Furious Pete Hegseth insists war with Iran is NOT a quagmire, actually going super well

You may not know from the endless videos of ships, buildings, infrastructure, and absolutely critical global energy facilities exploding in giant balls of flame, but, actually, the war with Iran is going just fine. Better than fine, actually! Why, it’s barely a war at all!

Such is the opinion of Pete Hegseth, who must be rapidly realizing that he’s going to be made the scapegoat for this debacle by Trump. Earlier today, Hegseth delivered a spittle-flecked press conference in which he explained that, contrary to the old proverb, you should definitely shoot the messenger.

All the bad news you’ve been hearing about? Why, merely the product of a media infected by “Trump derangement syndrome”. The United States’ catastrophic decline on the world stage? Fomented by “our ungrateful allies in Europe”.

Iran itself? “A violent, messianic Islamist ideology chasing some sort of apocalyptic endgame“. Whoa, maybe calm down with that stone-throwing Pete, you’re inside a greenhouse!

Hegseth went on to underline that:

Hegseth: "A dishonest and anti-Trump press will stop at nothing to downplay progress, amplify every cost, and call into question every step. Sadly, TDS is in their DNA." pic.twitter.com/hEja8mYjr4

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 19, 2026

“A dishonest and anti-Trump press will stop at nothing to downplay progress, amplify every cost, and call into question every step.”

It’s true! We will! Doubtless, Hegseth would love it if all journalists were quisling cronies who lapped up his every word, but I can happily confirm we are indeed going to “call into question every step” this lunatic takes.

Don’t believe your eyes, it’s, uh, totally all going to plan…

But one thing’s for sure. This war is NOT a “quagmire”. We are certainly not peering into an “endless abyss” and there is no way this is going to spiral into a “forever war”:

Hegseth: "The media wants you to think that just 19 days into this conflict, that we're somehow spinning toward an endless abyss or a forever war or a quagmire. Nothing could be further from the truth." pic.twitter.com/zkUtMHu4gt

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 19, 2026

Now, you might think the Secretary of War having to frantically insist that everything is just peachy and this is not a quagmire is, in fact, a pretty good sign that the opposite is true. After all, wouldn’t it be self-evident if things were proceeding according to plan?

Unfortunately for Hegseth, it’s now fairly clear in what direction this is all going to go. Gas prices are about to spike precipitously, and we may even see a fuel shortage. Trump is not about to be blamed for this (and he’s certainly not going to throw Israel under the bus). So, like Kristi Noem before him, it’s going to be Hegseth’s neck on the block.

The schadenfreude will be delicious, and we look forward to watching Hegseth’s humiliation. Sadly, thousands of people will be needlessly killed by him in the interim, but I suppose that’s just the way the cookie crumbles in this administration.