‘Report the whole office’: TikTok midwife influencer shames her clinic for trying to interfere with a medical decision her husband made to protect her

A TikTok influencer known as @themodernmidwife, Caitlyn, just shared a frustrating experience at her husband’s primary care clinic. In a video that has racked up 2.4 million views, Caitlyn detailed how a nurse and a healthcare provider actively discouraged him from getting a vasectomy, even going so far as to suggest that she should undergo a tubal ligation instead.

Caitlyn explained that after having their fourth child just four months ago, she and her husband decided they were done growing their family. She had already endured multiple vaginal births, an epidural headache, mastitis, and postpartum depression. So, the couple agreed that he would take on the responsibility of sterilization, as female sterilization is significantly more complicated, with higher risks. 

So they headed to his primary care clinic at the VA, hoping to get a referral for the procedure. According to Caitlyn, the nurse immediately questioned his decision and asked why his wife wasn’t the one getting a tubal ligation. Even after he explained that a vasectomy is a much less invasive, outpatient procedure involving a tiny incision, the nurse reportedly shook her head in judgment. 

Also… It’s his decision

The experience didn’t improve when the provider arrived. Despite seeing the request for a vasectomy on the chart, the provider initially brushed the topic aside. When her husband finally brought it up, the provider claimed there were many hoops to jump through, including a mandatory mental evaluation. He was left waiting for a psych screener who ultimately didn’t even seem to know why he was there.

This story has resonated with thousands, highlighting the double standards often found in reproductive health. Many users in the comments shared their own perspectives and experiences. User oconnalla pointed out, “Let’s not forget the fact that va[s]ectomies are often REVERSIBLE.” 

Others were quick to defend the couple’s autonomy. User 5995pris commented, “No need to explain. If you both want this done then IT SHOULD GET DONE!!!! They aren’t in your shoes.” Financial considerations were also raised, with Roland noting, “Vasectomy $300-$1k vs tubal $2k-$8k. Easy choice.”

The medical realities of these procedures confirm the overall consensus. A vasectomy is a highly effective, outpatient procedure performed under local anesthesia. According to Dr. Nicholas Toepfer, a urologist at UCHealth, the procedure involves a small opening that results in less pain, fewer complications, and a faster recovery. Most men can return to normal daily activities on the same day. 

In contrast, a tubal ligation is an invasive surgical procedure that involves blocking or cutting the fallopian tubes. Depending on the timing, it can require general, local, or spinal anesthesia, and recovery times vary from two weeks for a laparoscopic procedure to six weeks if performed during a C-section.

The medical community does emphasize that these are permanent decisions, so healthcare providers strive to engage in shared decision-making to ensure patients are fully informed. Of course, there are possibilities of regret. However, as many commenters noted, this shouldn’t translate to judgment or obstruction. 

User reuben.devries shared, “I was 40 years old where I got my vasectomy and nobody tried to talk me out of it. I would be enraged if someone tried to talk me out of it. I firmly believe in my body, my choice (for women as well)!”

As Britt G shared in the comments, even when a partner is ready, they sometimes face strange pushback: “My husband practically ran to get his vasectomy after our third, Dr tried to talk him out of it and even said what if this relationship doesn’t work out and your “next wife” wants kids. Husband said “even if we split I will still have three kids, and I don’t want anymore”.

The path to permanent birth control can be fraught with unnecessary obstacles, whether due to outdated attitudes or systemic hurdles. For Caitlyn and her husband, the clinic’s behavior felt like a gross interference in a personal medical decision that they had already carefully considered. 

A lot of women also face issues when they try to get their tubes tied. In one instance, a woman who had a tubal ligation resorted to using her daughter as a surrogate because she regretted it. On a more entertaining note, however, have you heard of the woman who wanted her puppet husband to get a vasectomy? People are weird!