Woman says her fiancé has this ‘weird’ bathroom habit, and he wants her to do it, too: ‘courtesy flushing’

Getting used to another person’s habits is part of almost every long-term relationship. Some couples argue about thermostat settings or toothpaste caps. Others discover they have very different opinions about bathroom etiquette.

That was the case for Reddit user SlightlySaneHP, who sparked a lively debate this week after sharing her fiancé’s unusual toilet routine in the r/TwoHotTakes forum. In the viral post, the 33-year-old woman explained that her 40-year-old fiancé insists on “courtesy flushing” during bowel movements and wants her to adopt the habit. “He insists when doing a number 2 you should flush multiple times,” to prevent smell, she wrote. “He refers to this as [courtesy] flushing.’”

She says bodily functions are “normal,” “nothing to be ashamed of”

The couple shares a single bathroom, and the issue usually comes up when one person needs to use the toilet while the other is showering just a few feet away. The poster, who works in healthcare, said she sees bodily functions as “normal and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.” Her fiancé feels differently.

“He is big on smells in general and wants everything to smell good all the time,” she explained. “Even when he is by himself, he uses this technique and will flush the toilet 2-3 times per session to avoid having to smell anything unpleasant.”

The woman argued that repeated flushing wastes water and may even be unsanitary. She pointed to concerns about “poop particles” spreading into the air during flushing and noted that their bidet becomes temporarily unusable while the toilet tank refills.

Experts say she is not entirely wrong

According to HowStuffWorks, courtesy flushing may slightly reduce odors because waste spends less time exposed to air. However, the outlet noted that flushing multiple times can waste significant amounts of water, especially with older toilets that use several gallons per flush.

Research also shows that flushing toilets can release aerosolized particles into the surrounding air. Better Homes & Gardens recently reported that these “toilet plumes” may spread bacteria and other particles several feet from the bowl, particularly when flushing with the lid open.

Still, the practice itself is far from unheard of. The Environmental Literacy Council described courtesy flushing as a common bathroom etiquette technique intended to minimize odors in shared spaces. The organization noted that the practice is especially common in public or shared bathrooms, though opinions vary widely about whether it is necessary.

Some commenters said they routinely “courtesy flush” in public restrooms or older homes with unreliable plumbing. Others called the practice excessive or unhygienic. Several users specifically raised the same concern as the original poster about flushing while still seated. The woman later updated her post to clarify that the disagreement was mostly playful and not a serious relationship issue. “We are not breaking up over this,” she wrote. “He loves me even when I’m stinky.”

“I admit I am definitely more comfortable than most with these things after spending my work days actively helping laboring people push babies out of them and teaching new parents how best to get their newborn to poop,” she wrote. “Lots of cheering when it comes to poop in general tbh.” In the end, the couple may have found a compromise. The poster said she plans to make “a bigger effort to accommodate his nose” by revisiting the couple’s neglected bottle of Poo-Pourri spray.