Woman goes to first Tinder date with a man. Then he sends her a set of rules that has her declaring him ‘painfully average’

An Instagram creator who goes by the username @datewithviolet, known as Violet, shared a post, saying a man she had met on a Tinder date sent her a text message that she described as controlling. According to Violet, instead of simply asking her out again, the man allegedly sent her a list of rules she would need to follow if she wanted to go on a second date with him. 

Rather than ignoring the message or blocking him, Violet said she chose to respond directly and call out what she described as controlling and misogynistic behavior. In the video she posted, Violet shared what she claimed was the man’s message. According to her, the man said he expected women dating him to “behave in a certain way.” 

He allegedly objected to the two glasses of wine she had during their first meeting, demanded she delete her dating apps, insisted on having access to her phone while refusing to share his own, and said girls’ nights would only be allowed with his permission.

Violet’s response drew widespread reactions from viewers, with many sharing how they would have handled the situation

Violet’s reply to the man, which she also shared online, was direct. She said she told him his message was “second-hand embarrassing” and said his audacity would have almost been impressive “if it wasn’t attached to someone so painfully average.” 

She went on to say his demands for obedience, phone inspections, and permission for girls’ nights reflected insecurity rather than confidence. She also said he sounded like “the kind of guy women warn each other about” and suggested the best thing he could do was stay away from women altogether.

Her response video appeared to resonate with many viewers, who left comments sharing their own takes. @jassydoodles commented, “You did him a kindness by responding. I would have just sent a laughing meme.” Another user wrote, “My favorite response is just ‘no’ lol they don’t know what to do with that.”

Another user offered a more nuanced take, writing, “The only issue is that you qualified it at the beginning as being tied to him not being a super hot/amazing guy which sounds like if he was hotter his audacity level would be lower… NO MAN no matter how hot he is should talk like that and we need to not give passes to ‘better men’… I got what you were saying but that behavior is a NO for everyone.” 

Other commenters were more straightforward in their support. One said, “Honestly that’s nicer than I would have said,” while another wrote, “Perfect! Now, if I can remember some of this for future use.”

Several viewers also noted that they felt Violet may have avoided something more serious than just an uncomfortable second date. Research published in PubMed Central has identified five major early warning signs of unhealthy relationships: monitoring, controlling, demeaning, threatening or aggressive, and jealous or possessive behaviors. 

A separate study also found that coercive and controlling behaviors reportedly predicted later intimate partner violence approximately five months later, even before any physical violence had occurred. This pattern of escalating control can sometimes be so subtle that victims only recognize it when an outside perspective highlights the abnormality, as in the case of a Mississippi woman’s controlling relationship.

According to experts, recognizing controlling behavior early and setting firm boundaries can help people avoid getting deeper into unhealthy relationship dynamics before they escalate. 

The man’s identity has not been publicly disclosed, and his side of the story has not been shared. Such controlling demands for personal information and obedience are not isolated incidents, as another woman’s experience on a Hinge date involved a man who demanded her body count.