On one hand, speculating about the size and condition of someone’s private area is classless and juvenile. It’s nobody’s business but their own what state their parts are in, and whatever they decide to do to themselves should remain confidential. On the other hand this is Elon Musk, so let’s begin.
For around a month, there’s been a rumor spinning around social media that Musk hasn’t been fully functional for some time. This, apparently, explains why all his children appear to have been conceived by IVF, which would take pesky “interaction with women” thing completely out of the equation. But wait, there’s more!
The story goes that to remedy his dire situation, Musk underwent some form of implant surgery that went horribly wrong, possibly resulting in some malformed catastrophe useless to both men and women. Here’s one of the earliest mentions of it:
Most of Elon Musk's kids were conceived through IVF.
— Ola Ojewumi (@Olas_Truth) February 20, 2025
He used IVF for his first five sons. His whole identity as a man is wrapped up in reproducing, which he can't seem to do on his own (botched penile implant). https://t.co/f0Y9ugvQ0F
If this were the extent of the rumor, we’d figure it’s just a nasty bit of gossip started by someone looking to take Musk down a peg or two. If so, I’d probably point out that going after his genital region is low-hanging fruit (or high-hanging fruit, potentially). Enter drama elemental Azaelia Banks, who claims that Musk’s former partner Grimes confirmed that the botched implant story is 100% true:
Grimes told me this too https://t.co/I6RG1qWeQK
— Azealia Banks (@azealiaslacewig) February 16, 2025
What, why and how?
So, what even are these kinds of implants, why might Musk have had the surgery, and how could it have malfunctioned? By far the common use case for them is to beat erectile dysfunction, as there are some poor souls for whom Viagra and Cialis can’t help due to physical abnormalities or crippling psychological conditions. But when drugs don’t work, mechanical engineering steps up to the plate.
There are two common types of implant, coming in malleable and inflatable varieties. The malleable one sees the implantation of rods implanted into the organ, which can either be silicone or a steel spiral core. The more common inflatable variety sees a series of hollow cylinders inserted into the organ and a pump implanted into the scrotum, allowing the recipient to become erect whenever they choose. Given everything we know about Musk, it’s theoretically possible he would plump for some high-tech version not listed above (perhaps some secret SpaceX black project?), but we simply can’t know for sure.
As this is a mechanical process, parts can wear out and fail. So, for example, overly vigorous inflation may lead to an inflation chamber suffering dramatic failure, possibly causing an intrusion of saline solution throughout the organ. Among other things, this sounds like it would kill the mood.
But as Musk’s implant is said to be “botched,” the complications may have begun at the surgical stage. That could indicate our theory of experimental tech being implanted within him is true, as more traditional methods report a 95% satisfaction rate among recipients. So, Musk would either have to be very unlucky, or foolishly bet on prototype tech. We know which we’d bet on.
All this said, we simply can’t know for sure whether Musk has had this implant without either him telling us, or viewing it for ourselves. And honestly… I’m in no hurry to do the latter.
Published: Apr 2, 2025 10:53 am