Does King Charles really believe he’ll cure his cancer by blasting coffee up his bum?

It’s been less than a year since King Charles III was coronated at Westminster Abbey and unfortunately, things aren’t going well over at Buckingham Palace. Not only has the Princess of Wales (and future Queen Consort) Kate Middleton has undergone a mysterious operation and vanished from the public eye, but there’s the whole Harry and Meghan thing, and now Charles himself has been diagnosed with cancer.

Exactly what kind of cancer is unknown, though the Palace has confirmed that it’s not prostate cancer. We also don’t know what kind of treatment he’s receiving. Officials have said he’s “receiving expert care” as an outpatient, though it’s not known if that consists of radiotherapy, chemotherapy or something else.

However much we don’t know, we can surmise quite a lot about Charles’ potential course of treatment based on his public statements, his beliefs, and who he’s appointed to treat him. Upon closer inspection, let’s just say that the royal barista may be clocking some serious overtime.

King Charles and medical science

For decades, Charles has maintained a firm position in favor of alternative medicine, championing homeopathy in particular. He’s so passionate about this topic that he established the Foundation for Integrated Health, which advocates for spending public money on alternative medicine within the National Health Service. Last year, he appointed Dr. Michael Dixon as the head of the royal medical household, a doctor who has a “main field of interest” in complementary medicine. As per The Sunday Times, Dr. Dixon has worked with Christian faith healers in treating chronic conditions, believes that a mysterious plant known as “devil’s claw” can alleviate shoulder pain, and is a proponent of using horny goat weed to eradicate impotence.

Dixon, who will be making the key decisions on Charles’ course of cancer treatment, has been widely criticized, with Michael Marshall of the Good Thinking Society saying, “It’s absolutely unequivocal that homeopathic remedies do not work and just because you happen to be in a position of extreme power and privilege, that doesn’t change that.”

Charles was also put under fire:

“Before Charles became king, he was the patron of homeopathic organisations, he was an outspoken advocate in favour of homeopathy and pushing back the bounds of science towards pseudoscience. The argument was that he would stop doing that once he became king. This appears to be a sign that he isn’t going to do that, that he isn’t going to stop.”

Fortunately, it seems that Dixon is not going to treat Charles’ cancer with magic memory water, though it’s concerning that Buckingham Palace has had to put out a statement explicitly saying “Dr Dixon does not believe homeopathy can cure cancer.” But while homeopathy seems out, what about blasting an americano up the royal buttocks?

What is Gerson Therapy, and does Charles believe in it?

Historically, Charles hasn’t been shy about making his thoughts about cancer treatment public. For example, he enthusiastically endorses “Gerson Therapy,” which involves ditching traditional cancer advice in favor of five daily coffee enemas and thirteen glasses of fresh organic carrot, apple, or broccoli juice a day, paired with a rigorous yoga regime. Speaking to a room of healthcare professionals in 2004, Charles said:

“I know of one patient who turned to Gerson Therapy having been told she was suffering from terminal cancer and would not survive another course of chemotherapy. Happily, seven years later, she is alive and well. So it is vital that, rather than dismissing such experiences, we should further investigate the beneficial nature of these treatments.”

Charles is so adamant about this course of treatment that he campaigned for British cancer treatment to include coffee enemas, though Cancer Research UK pushed back by pointing out there’s no evidence it works and that getting coffee pumped into your butt can even be harmful. As it’s banned in the United States, Gerson Therapy is primarily carried out in Tijuana. There, “Gerson doctors” use a “quantum biofeedback device” known as an “Indigo Machine” to analyze blood. If Charles did decide to go this route, he’s almost certainly not making round trips to Mexico, though perhaps their new outpost in Budapest could ship an Indigo Machine to London?

Unfortunately, proponents of Gerson Therapy are quite difficult to find as…well…they keep dying from cancer. For example, Jessica Ainscough was known online as “The Wellness Warrior” and followed the Gerson diet after her diagnosis, eventually dying of untreated cancer. Charles may have even known someone who has died after following this treatment. In 1996, Sally Baldwin, the wife of Lord Baldwin of Bewdley, underwent Gerson treatment in Tijuana, though predictably later died of cancer.

Time to buy Starbucks stock?

And so we have the million-pound question: Is Charles going to rely on coffee enemas and vegetable juice to treat his cancer? The short answer is we just don’t know. At first glance, you’d imagine that even a King will have doctors that firmly advocate for conventional treatments, though as he’s appointed an alternative medicine proponent as Royal Doctor, who knows? Royal expert Tom Bower has sounded a note of caution, saying, “The King will not be one for chemotherapy, he has always argued against it. He’s a great believer in natural herbs, potions, and things like that.”

So, after decades of speaking up against chemotherapy and in favor of coffee enemas, it looks like it’s time for Charles to put his money where his mouth is (or, failing that, a certain other orifice). Only time will tell what he decides to do, though if we were William, we might put off making any summer vacation plans.