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Elon Musk and Donald Trump
Photo by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

‘Family values!’: Mary Trump needs only 3 words to respond to Dopey Don and Man-Child Musk having 17 children with 6 different women between them

God lord, someone geld them.

The political positions once occupied by among the most revered American figures have, in recent years, become little more than placeholders for our most unhinged citizens to ruin with their shameless antics.

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There was a time when American citizens, particularly those on the right side of the political aisle, would have turned their noses up at a twice-impeached election-losing felon with a reputation for dishonesty running for office. The party of so-called “family values” would never elect a man who’s cheated on every woman he’s ever been with, nor would they offer rampant support to a guy known for running abusive workplaces.

And yet, as of 2024, these are precisely the sort of men the far-right champions, frequently likening at least one of them to Jesus, and promoting both as the pinnacle of American greatness. Both Donald Trump, the serial adulterer, convicted felon, and morally corrupt former president, and Elon Musk, the COVID-19-denying, sweatshop-running, rampant misogynist at the head of both X and Tesla, are among the most-revered figures among a bulk of America’s right-leaning voters, and their status at the top makes exactly zero sense.

That fact was succinctly pointed out by none other than Mary Trump, Diaper Don’s niece. Responding to a truly cringe-worthy image of the demagogues at a recent rally, the 59-year-old psychologist noted that “no comment” was “needed” on the apt observation that these two men share “17 children with 6 different women.”

That’s right, between the two of them, Trump and Musk have fathered a staggering 17 children in total, brought into this world through six separate women. Trump is himself father to five of those children, three — Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric — from his first wife, Ivana, one — Tiffany — from his second wife, Marla Maples, and his youngest — Barron — from the former president’s current wife, Melania.

Musk, meanwhile, boasts the bulk of the listed children, with a full 12 of his own added into the mix, one of whom is deceased. The first six — Nevada, Griffin, Vivian, Kai, Saxon, and Damian — are shared with the billionaire’s first wife, Justine Wilson, who he was married to from 2000 to 2008. The next three — X AE A-XII, Exa Dark Sideræl, and Techno Mechanicus — are shared with singer Grimes, with whom he was partnered for several years in the early 2020s. His final three kids, totaling a solid dozen for the Tesla CEO, are shared with his Neuralink subordinate, Director of Operations and Special Projects Shivon Zilis. The first two are reportedly named Azure and Strider, but the name of his 12th (that we know of) has been kept under wraps.

That totals out to way too many kids from two of the nation’s most smooth-brained bigots. Yet, somehow, they serve as representatives of so-called “family values,” when they likely wouldn’t recognize some of their own children if they walked up and introduced themselves. Apparently, America’s values have gone so far down the tank that we now celebrate families composed of multiple women, affair babies, and rampant amorality, rather than those who put companionship, love, and actual family above their incessant need to breed.

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Image of Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila carefully obsesses over all things geekdom and gaming, bringing her embarrassingly expansive expertise to the team at We Got This Covered. She is a Staff Writer and occasional Editor with a focus on comics, video games, and most importantly 'Lord of the Rings,' putting her Bachelors from the University of Texas at Austin to good use. Her work has been featured alongside the greats at NPR, the Daily Dot, and Nautilus Magazine.