Donald Trump wants the ‘very handsome’ Prince William in the White House and the U.K.’s future is hanging in the balance

It’s easy to paint the British Royal Family as a bunch of coddled twits greedily suckling on the teat of public money: a medieval relic with no place in the 21st century. That said, they have their uses, and successive British governments have pressed them into service as diplomatic representatives of the country. After all, if you want to butter up a world leader, what better way than tea with the King?

Right now there’s only one man the U.K. wants to win over: President Donald Trump. In the weeks since his inauguration, he and his administration have wreaked havoc on the world stage, threatening punitive tariffs, leaving those relying on U.S. aid empty-handed, and letting former military allies twist in the wind.

This has left the U.K. and its Prime Minister Keir Starmer in a tough spot. Starmer (and many of his Labour Party colleagues) have a history of being vocally critical of Trump but are having to humiliatingly walk back their comments and engage in some serious brown-nosing. At least theoretically they have a lot to gain: Brexit means the U.K. won’t be tied into any Trump tariffs aimed at the European Union and the country could benefit from becoming a trade corridor into the United States.

Prince William is the key to that becoming a reality. In December 2024 William and Trump crossed paths at the re-opening of the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris. Trump was smitten: describing him as “a good-looking guy. He looked really, very handsome!” and swooning “some people look better in person? He looked great. He looked really nice, and I told him that…” Steady on, Donald, you’re going to make Kate jealous.

Prince William greets Donald Trump upon his arrival at the British Ambassador’s residence.

The Prince of Wales becomes first member of the Royal Family to meet the new US President-elect as both are in Paris for the Notre Dame opening ceremony. pic.twitter.com/9bvPGo23FL

— J Stewart (@triffic_stuff_) December 7, 2024

Trump is now desperate for the bromance to continue and is apparently preparing an official invitation for him to visit the White House as soon as possible. A source claims that: “‘He was wowed by William and thinks he’s a great guy. He will officially invite both the Prince and Princess of Wales to visit Washington, but understands if the Princess of Wales’ health issues prevent her from coming.” I don’t want to read between the lines too much, but I think Trump not-so-secretly would prefer Kate stay home so he can have William all to himself for a weekend.

For us (and, we presume, William) Trump’s crush is a perplexing opportunity. We suspect that the president’s feelings aren’t reciprocated, but that William is simply polite enough to sit there nodding and smiling as Trump rambles on about whatever swims to the front of his addled brain. Who knows, given Trump’s recent comment about being a king, maybe he’s looking for pointers on divine rule?

Either way, the economic fate of the United Kingdom now rests on William’s ability to continue to charm and delight Donald Trump. Here’s hoping the visit goes ahead and after William is done consuming the White House McDonald’s special dinner, followed by the traditional screening of Van Damme’s Bloodsport, he can casually mention it’d be real swell if those tariffs could skip over good ol’ Blighty. C’mon William, lie back, think of your green and pleasant homeland: it’s time to earn your keep.