‘Probably won’t be trying meth’: J.K. Rowling is on the hunt for drugs, but not for the reason you might think

J.K. Rowling is thinking of trying out some drugs, lending some credence to that old fan meme of Harry Potter turning into a methhead after his run as the Boy Who Lived.

The creator of The Wizarding World divides her time between being a controversy magnet on social media by posting often about the trans community and remaining a prolific author of fiction novels, even though it’s become apparent to everyone except her that she’ll likely never catch the Harry Potter lightning in a bottle again.

Many Potterheads used to muse that after spending seven years in the center of everyone’s attention, the Boy Who Lived would be undergoing one hell of an identity crisis after Voldemort’s death. Sure, he gets married to Ginny Weasley and has multiple children, but let’s not pretend that you can go on to live a normal life after repeatedly saving the world in epic clashes of good vs. evil. And that’s not to mention the slowly diminishing aura of fame. At first you’re just a normal guy again, but people still talk about you. Give it a few decades and it’ll be, “Harry who?”

The same thing might just be happening to J.K. Rowling now that she finds herself in the twilight of her career. Harry Potter is the best-selling book series of all time, and even if Rowling were to come up with another fictional fantasy world and write an ambitious narrative spanning several books for it, she could never again garner the same level of acclaim and attention. I mean, just look at the books she’s been putting out over the past decade. Together, there are close to a dozen of them, and yet none stand out as anything special or, well, novel.

And still, the author and occasional ill-at-ease social commentator loves writing like no other. She loves writing so much, in fact, that she’s willing to turn to drugs just to continue burning that midnight oil and drafting more pages. Rowling recently asked her X following if they know of any substance with no side effects that can “keep me awake five nights in a row.” Suffice it to say, there were many brilliant suggestions, though none of them exactly helpful.

And look at what I found scrolling down J.K.’s new post. Elon Musk spends so much time on X that you’d be forgiven for thinking he’s your neighborhood’s infamous layabout as opposed to the richest entrepreneur in the world. And by the way, thank you Elon, for explaining to us the important function of sleep. Before this tweet, I went to bed most nights only because my monkey brain, molded by millions of years of evolution, compelled me to do so. Now I shall have to schedule a frontal lobotomy to make myself forget that even asleep, my brain is about its work overthinking everything that happened to me to the point of utter absurdity.

At any rate, since Rowling has all but forgotten how to be a good role model for children (many once considered Harry Potter books to be hugely beneficial to the philosophical education of children) I’ll take it upon myself to repeat the wisdom of ages, if only as a disclaimer: don’t do drugs, kids.