Think the Royal Family’s PR is a shambles? Here’s your chance to do a better job

Let it not be said that Buckingham Palace and its residents have never done anything for us — if you ever need a good example of what a self-created PR massacre looks like, you have the perfect Exhibit A courtesy of their insane and rapidly unhinged efforts to suppress the conspiracy theories about Kate Middleton.

But, the palace is nothing if not disastrously creative — all the not-so-innocent photoshopping and refusal to provide the unedited version of the same picture to quell the more concerning rumors and further stocking the fire in the process is proof enough. So, in order to save what is left of its crumbling reputation, the palace has exhibited its pressing need for someone with brain cells to handle the PR nightmare by posting a job hiring for a communications assistant.

The person appointed will be working from the private secretary’s office in the palace itself. If you are one of the millions secretly or openly cringing over how the Royals have been handling the whole drama so far, think you can be their salvation, and also believe that working for the Royal Family would be “exceptional,” feel free to respond to the job post.

But jump into the foray only after reading the job responsibilities, which primarily include “responding to day to day media enquiries on a range of subjects, including about the work of members of the Royal Family” and demonstrating the initiative to “meet tight deadlines.” This means the next time Kate has the desire to flaunt her “amateur” Photoshop skills in alarming ways, you will be the one to race to conjure an answer (that makes sense) at the last possible minute and explain the weird reputation-endangering hobby of the Princess of Wales.

Sounds exciting? Yeah, well, there is a catch — you have to resolve all the existing, still exploding mess and be ready for future tornadoes while receiving a salary of merely £25,000 per annum. My apologies if I crushed your blooming dreams of being the palace’s knight in shining armor. But don’t worry, everyone else is already feeling insulted and questioning the last struggling brain wave of whoever posted this job requirement on your behalf.

But hey, they will be providing free complimentary lunches — that is supposed to count for something, eh? Well, I am ready with my popcorn to sit and watch the image management dreams of the palace instantly combust when they do find a communications assistant for £25,000 per annum.