Let’s not sugarcoat things shall we? Hocus Pocus 2, the highly anticipated sequel to the cult classic Halloween original, left a lot to be desired. It fell short of expectations. It missed the mark. It was dreadful, okay? Just plain dreadful.
Whether it was going meta by having the original Hocus Pocus playing on a TV in the background or having Winifred’s spellbook sweat with anxiety, or just completely disregarding its target audience in favor of nonsensical humor, at the end of the day Hocus Pocus 2 suffered from a nasty case of bad writing, and unfortunately it wasn’t cured by any magical spells or musical numbers.
At times the Disney Plus movie felt like a collection of second-rate sketches stitched together with an oversized needle with little foresight as to how it’d turn out in the end. Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker often felt like three actresses running amok in a bizzare cosplay tribute to the first Hocus Pocus.
When all was said and done there were several things wrong with Hocus Pocus 2, but here are 13 reasons why it was not only disappointing, but just plain dreadful.
1. The entire opening sequence
There’s no worse feeling than having your excitement for a movie quelled immediately upon impact. The moment young Winifred Sanderson stomped her feet across the screen all hope was lost, for in that moment Hocus Pocus 2 became a joke; a bad Disney Channel Original movie; a film made for kids that should have been made for the kids at heart who grew up with the original.
The overuse of young Winifred’s physical acting was slapstick and annoying. No depth or purpose was given to the characters or the storyline. Which leads us to our second point.
2. The missed opportunity that was Hannah Waddingham
Not only is Hannah Waddingham (Ted Lasso) an incredibly talented actress who could’ve brought so much range to the role, but her character also could have served as layered backstory to the history of the Sanderson Sisters. Instead, she shows up, gives the sisters their spell book, and is never seen or heard from again. Who was she? How did she transform into a raven? Did she lose her coven because she performed Magicae Maxima? So much potential here and not a scrap of it was utilized. What a waste — it makes us sick!
3. That ridiculous reveal
The Sanderson Sisters are not a joke! Okay maybe they are, but they shouldn’t be treated as such. They kill children and eat them for goodness’ sake. Have the writers not heard of making a good first impression? Revealing the Sanderson Sisters with a ridiculous musical number made them into a joke, and that’s how they remained for the duration of the movie.
4. Unnecessarily breaking the fourth wall
Why on God’s green earth did the writers, director, actors (whoever!) choose to let the Sanderson Sisters stare dead into the camera and shout “Lock up your children. Yes, Salem. We’re back.” The line is great, don’t get us wrong, but ruining it by looking into the camera? If you’re going to break the fourth wall, break it. Don’t do it once and call it a day. Why does this even need to be explained?
5. What’s the deal with Billy Butcherson’s new accent?
Billy Butcherson was such a fantastic character in the original Hocus Pocus. A murdered lover of Winifred Sanderson who comes back from the dead to help Max, Dani, and Allison kill the Sanderson Sisters once and for all. It’s gold.
The sequel’s need to resurrect old lines from the first movie for the sake of nostalgia is a contentious point in and of itself, but it’s made most plain in Billy’s line “I’m a good Zombie” which Max said to him in the first movie. Maybe on paper it would’ve worked out but the execution of Billy’s seemingly newfound upbeat personality made it one of the worst lines in the movie, made ten times worse by his absurd cockney-esque accent. Granted he didn’t speak much in the first movie, and at times it straddled an English accent, but not to the extent it played out in Hocus Pocus 2. All we can say to the Billy we know and love is “buh-bye”.
6. “Cowabunga?” Really?
What better way to insult the intelligence if your viewers than having a 370 year old witch, who’s slept through the better part of the last three centuries, shout “cowabunga” while riding a broomstick. Well, a roomba, but same thing. Mary Sanderson is as much a box of rocks as her sister Sarah, but we didn’t think the writers were too.
7. The excessive use of nostalgia
As mentioned above, the overuse of nostalgia for the sake of nostalgia was unnecessary and hindered the film. Calming circles, “I’m a good zombie”, 21st century broomsticks, running amok, it was all so forced and unoriginal that it came off lazy and desperate to revive -isms that never really died given how religiously the first film is watched by Halloween lovers in the first place.
8. We need to talk about SJP
It’s like Sarah Jessica Parker forgot who Sarah Sanderson is! In the first movie Sarah is flirtatious, she’s airheaded, she’s an orbiter of her own world. She dances around a room and hardly has any idea what’s going on.
Sarah Jessica Parker on the other hand played sister Sarah with such rigidity it felt like any muscle memory she had atrophied in the last 29 years. While neither Kathy nor Bette truly soared in their roles either, Sarah Jessica Parker came off like an actress who either didn’t want to be there, or forgot how to act. We’d cut her some slack for working with a sub-par script, but posing with duck lips for a selfie in Walgreens was the straw the broke the camel’s back; whatever improvised decision that was on Sarah Jessica Parker’s part, if any, it ruined the character.
9. Reverend Mayor Traske: The plot that went nowhere
By the time the Sanderson Sisters discovered Cassie (Lilia Buckingham) was of the Traske bloodline, Reverend Mayor Traske’s (Tony Hale) storyline became irrelevant because Cassie’s blood could be used to perform the Magicae Maxima spell. Nothing of value came from Reverend Mayor Traske’s storyline other than 15th century misogyny and a weirdly whimsical Mayor who loves candy apples.
10. The big musical number – what is this, the Rugrats?
Okay, we’ll be the first to admit the number wasn’t completely awful, it just didn’t have a purpose, as its only use was to deliver the sisters to Mayor Traske, whose storyline, as we mentioned, is pointless. Granted, “I Put a Spell on You” didn’t propel the plot much either, but it did keep the adults of Salem busy while Max, Dani, and Allison fought the witches. Also, it was a better song. Nobody really expected Hocus Pocus 2 to deliver a song to rival “I Put a Spell on You” but to sample one so iconically known, at least for millenials, for being used in The Rugrats? Originality people, it exists we swear. Give it a shot.
11. Thou doth not name a spellbook Book
This doth not need much more of an explanation. Yes, the first movie referred to Winifred’s book as Book every now and then but it was usually done by Winifred herself and in such a way that it never came across like the spellbook actually had a name, personality, opinion, and could you know, sweat tears of distress. The need to amp up the campiness on the spellbook ruined its inherently eerie quality. And also, who names a book “Book”? Come on, people.
12. Missed opportunity #2: Leaving out Max/Dani/Allison
The worst part about not bringing back the original cast members for Hocus Pocus 2 is that both Omri Katz (Max) and Thora Birch (Dani) expressed interest in returning. Katz said he “would have loved to be involved,” but decidedly wasn’t brought on, according to EW. “I feel bad for the original fan base saying we aren’t because I’m sure they wanted to see us reprise our roles.”
Thora Birch too expressed her desire to be in the movie, and was initially in the first draft as a “good supporting role” but due to scheduling conflicts was written out of it alongside Katz, according to EW.
A sequel without any of the original cast who were more than willing to return was a poor choice for Disney, and one that led to the weight of an entirely new storyline being placed on brand new characters, which unfortunately was too much for them to bear.
13. An utterly one-dimensional new cast
A movie can only soar if the audience has an emotional connection to the main cast. Where the opening sequence buckled under the weight of cringe-worthy performances, the rest of the movie fizzled out from being steered by a group of friends nobody cared about. One minute they are afraid of the Sanderson Sisters, the next they’re chatting with them in a Walgreens and later helping them not die; the inconsistency was dizzying.
Becca (Whitney Peak), who we learn has an affinity for crystals, exudes almost zero emotion, Cassie (Lilia Buckingham) is a descendant of a bloodline that, if written well, could’ve steered the plot somewhere, and Izzy (Belissa Escobedo) has a mom who likes cookies. That’s about all we learn. We are given zero reason to care about them; these group of young ladies who could’ve turned out to be a coven of new witches who not only discover their powers but also end up coming together in the end to fight the Sanderson Sisters in an epic battle scene. Instead, they threw rocks at them.
For their part, the actresses weren’t terrible, but alas, good actors can only do so much with bad writing.
Published: Oct 5, 2022 09:57 pm