‘Agatha: Darkhold Diaries’ has nothing on these truly terrible MCU movie and TV show titles

Marvel fans have strong feelings about everything to do with the MCU, and that extends to its movie and TV show titles. Just look at the visceral reaction to the rebrand the Agatha Disney Plus show has undergone, from Coven of Chaos (itself a changed title after House of Harkness) to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries. The grumbling that occurred when Captain America 4 went from New World Order to Brave New World is nothing compared to the hatred this new name got.

And it’s not hard to see why. Darkhold Diaries sounds far more like a teen drama you’d find airing on The CW, featuring a blandly beautiful cast of twentysomethings who look like they’ve been grown in pods, rather than a Disney Plus miniseries featuring a host of Emmy and Tony winning/nominated actresses. Still, Darkhold Diaries is far from the only time Marvel has dropped the ball in finding the perfect appellation for one of its projects. Here’s a very subjective ranking of the five absolute worst.

Helstrom

One of the most frustrating things about the Marvel Television era was the way its shows would often be ashamed of the comic book-y extremes of their characters and concepts. Sometimes that worked out well for all involved, such as the beautifully gritty Daredevil, but other times that meant we got all the fun stripped away, like with Inhumans or, even more egregiously, Helstrom.

Coming right at the tail-end of Marvel Television’s lifespan, shortly before Marvel Studios started its Disney Plus dominance, you’d be forgiven for missing Helstrom’s existence entirely. Suffice it to say, if I told you it was based on Daimon and Satana Hellstrom, the son and daughter of the Devil, that would be making the show sound way more interesting than it was.

The whole problem with the show’s approach can be summed up with its banally botched title — Helstrom, not Hellstrom, presumably done just to make it a little less out-there and more grounded. What an L.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Confession time: I’ve had an irrational hatred of the title for Doctor Strange 2 since it was first announced. I mean, what’s with the “Doctor Strange in…” structure? All I can think of when I see that is those old Disney cartoons that opened with “Mickey Mouse in…” I half-expected the movie to open with Benedict Cumberbatch’s face filling the screen accompanied by the Looney Tunes theme.

And now for the Multiverse of Madness of it all. OK, so I get that they were probably trying to evoke H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness, and I’m sure that had some logic to it back when Scott Derrickson was director, but that literary reference hardly makes any sense in the finished version of the movie which has a single Lovecraftian monstrosity on screen for about five minutes.

Overall, such a title just promised way too much in comparison to what it actually had to deliver. A multiverse? We visited like two other universes, tops. Madness? Sure, the zombie stuff was pretty kooky and we all appreciated the John Krasinski cameo, but I wouldn’t say it necessitated a psychological break.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Never before has the increasingly bloated nature of a movie trilogy been so clear at a glance than with the Ant-Man films. First came 2015’s Ant-Man — straightforward and traditional, sure, but it hits the spot. Then was 2018’s Ant-Man and the Wasp — it gets points for being the first MCU movie to feature a female hero in the title (yes, it took that long!), but it’s not quite as good as the original. And then we come to 2023’s Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania… Yikes.

Just like with Multiverse of Madness, Quantumania suffers from its title implicitly promising that this movie is going to be so good our minds will be blown. Even worse than Doctor Strange 2, though, Quantumania left us distinctly underwhelmed. Honestly, Quantumania may well have been the condition the film’s crew were suffering from when they decided that it was absolutely necessarily to show us M.O.D.O.K.’s bare rear-end.

Basically, enough with MCU movies featuring anything to do with being mad in the title. It’s essentially the Hollywood equivalent of that guy who keeps telling you how crazy he is in a desperate attempt to seem cool. Don’t be that guy, Marvel.

Secret Invasion

What’s wrong with Secret Invasion as a title, you might be thinking? That was the one thing Marvel actually got right about the show. Well, I see your point, imaginary reader who exists only in my head. Secret Invasion is certainly an iconic title in Marvel lore and when we found out we were getting an adaptation of that storyline the fan community couldn’t have been more excited. And therein lies the problem.

As it turned out, the Secret Invasion TV series bore so little in common with its comics counterpart that the title hardly makes sense anymore, given that most Skrulls just wanted a place to live not conquer the planet. What’s more, retconning the Skrulls’ infiltration of Earth into a parable about immigration and refugees was an interesting (if wildly underexplored) concept, but it also only led to some uncomfortable parallels to racist conspiracy theories.

Plus, how many times have you got Secret Invasion mixed up with upcoming Avengers flick Secret Wars? I can’t be the only one.

The Marvels

Fun fact: The Marvels is not a superhero team derived from the comics. No doubt it will be folded into the source material before long, but the group name given to the trio of Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, and Photon is all-new for the MCU. And, OK, on paper, it’s a clever bit of branding, but personally I have to admit to having some grievances with it.

I can tell you for a fact that when cooking up this title, Kevin Feige gave absolutely no thought to those of us who had to write about this movie for the next several years. To give you some insight into the life of a guy who witters away on the internet about Marvel all day long, The Marvels is an absolute pain to search for on various platforms given its close proximity to the Marvel brand name. I’m trying to help promote your movie for you, guys, why are you making it harder for me, huh?

Still, I guess it could be worse. It could be called Marvelmania or The Marvels in the Marvelverse of Madness or something, so be grateful for small mercies.