When old (new?) Gamora suggested Quill date Nebula in the most recent trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, and the team leader proceeded to look at his ex’s sister with new eyes, it seems likely we collectively squirmed at the scene. The idea of the two sharing any kind of intimacy feels completely wrong for some reason (hint: it’s probably the dead sister).
Look, “ships” are a soft spot in any fandom and, to be fair, anyone is entitled to have whatever favorite pairings they see fit. Problematic or questionable dynamics in real life — which involve things like dating your dead girlfriend’s sister, incest, a large age gap, or even sexual assault — are converted into grey areas when you make it fictional. After all, no one real is getting hurt by fan fiction, fan art, or fan videos.
All we’re saying is: don’t take this list to heart if you find one of your favoring MCU couples down the line. We don’t ship-shame around here, but be that as it may, the following couples are at the very least cringe-worthy, and at worst pretty gross — and we feel like the majority of the MCU faithful might agree.
Peter Quill and Nebula
There is a real possibility the bond between Quill and Nebula will turn romantic in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Speculation was motivated by the aforementioned scene from a new trailer, in which Quill goes so far as to compliment Nebula’s eyes, which adds to another moment where the former villain can be seen carrying Quill’s unconscious body.
The jury’s still out on whether James Gunn can actually make this odd pairing work, but we’re definitely on the fence. To begin with, their personalities don’t really match up, and we have a hard time picking up any chemistry between the two. To make matters worse, the Guardians have long seen each other as family, and at best Quill and Nebula share an irritable brother/sister kind of relationship. Obviously, the biggest issue would be Quill’s past with Gamora, which — unless his romance with Nebula is somehow proven to be stronger — will always give this pairing a “second best” kind of vibe, and they both definitely deserve better.
Wanda and Pietro Maximoff
It’s pretty clear Disney would never go there with Wanda and Pietro, but the fact remains that they were once a thing in the comics. If Marvel ever thought about taking a few pages out of Game of Thrones‘ book, this undeniably controversial pairing could have made the leap to the big screen.
The MCU is no stranger to relationships that feel rather incest-adjacent. After all, they made Sylvie and Loki a thing, which, granted, is far more complicated than siblings turning into lovers, but almost as weird. There’s also Steve and his flirtation with a descendant of the love of his life. Marvel didn’t shy away from pairing up Steve and Peggy’s niece Sharon, but the backlash was so intense it thankfully never went beyond a kiss.
Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff
There was definitely some flirting going on between Tony and Natasha in Iron Man 2, to the point where the two hooking up wouldn’t have come as a complete surprise to viewers. Avid comic book readers might have even brought up the fact that the tin man and Russian spy became engaged at some point in the source material, followed by the leak of a sex tape between the two.
While this could have been an interesting story line for a much more mature MCU, Nat and Tony becoming involved in the Sacred Timeline as we know it would feel strange and devoid of any real feelings, because we know their hearts belong elsewhere. Natasha’s love life was pure misery in the MCU, but Tony got to experience a short-lived happily ever after with Pepper, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thor Odinson and Valkyrie
Thor and Valkyrie as a romantic couple wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but it’s a widespread opinion that Valkyrie should get a girlfriend in the MCU. Two movies later, that sadly still hasn’t happened, and it likely never will.
Still, had Thor and Valkyrie ever crossed the friendship line, all hope would have been lost for a future where one of the most beloved bisexual characters in Marvel would get to live out her great love affair with a woman. Besides, it’s great to see friendships between men and women that are just that: friendships. Thor and Valkyrie have one of the most supportive, funniest dynamics in the whole franchise. Now, what we would really love to see is Valkyrie and Jane Foster’s Thor.
Clint Barton and Wanda Maximoff
Wanda has a long list of suitors in Marvel Comics, so really Kevin Feige could have gone in a million different directions when it comes to her love life. One potential pairing is with Clint. In the MCU, the two’s relationship became a central aspect of Avengers: Age of Ultron as they shared a heart to heart on the responsibilities of being a super hero. They became even closer when Wanda’s brother Pietro sacrificed himself to save Hawkeye, and then later the two bonded over losing Natasha and Vision.
Wanda and Clint sharing more than just friendship wouldn’t have been too out of left field if Marvel decided to head down that path. However, we’re glad it never happened, since the bond the two share is more akin to a father daughter relationship than anything else.
Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan
It’s hard to name two couples more perfect together in the MCU than Pepper and Tony, or Happy and May, but in an alternate reality Happy ended up with Pepper and left Tony heartbroken. This story line could have easily transported into the films as a further point of frustration for the leader of the Avengers, as he saw the woman he loved married to someone else. Ultimately, the strain that would probably have put on Tony and Happy’s brotherhood would not have been worth it.
Now that both Pepper and Happy have been left widowed, or something similar, in the most heartbreaking of circumstances, the MCU could bring them together after all. While we’re all for finding happiness again, we fear it will always be “too soon” for either of them to move on.
Wanda Maximoff and Steve Rogers
Similar to what happened with Clint, Wanda and Steve as an item was also a real possibility following the events of Age of Ultron and Civil War. The pair got together in the comics to form a pretty destructive and toxic union. As for the films, Wanda’s loyalty always remained with Steve, and there was a level of understanding between the two that could have easily led to stronger feelings.
While there’s nothing particularly off-putting about this pairing, it’s become pretty clear that Wanda and Steve have only ever belonged with Vision and Peggy. We much prefer seeing their relationship as Steve filling the empty space left behind in Wanda’s life by her brother’s death. The Scarlet Witch sees Captain America as a mentor, and as family. Nothing else.
Thanos and Hela
The sheer power of this hypothetical couple almost overpowers the grossness of ever picturing Thanos in any kind of intimate situation. In the source material, Thanos is famously obsessed with Lady Death, and the plan we see him act out in Infinity War and Endgame was more or less the same in the comics, except he was only ever interested in killing everyone in order to seduce Death. Kind of romantic, in a very, very twisted way.
Well, the closest we’ve seen of Lady Death in the MCU is Hela, the Goddess of Death. Thor and Loki’s older sister, and the former official executioner of Asgard, made her MCU debut in Thor: Ragnarok. Even the comics made the Hela/Death connection before, with Hela basically offering to be Death’s substitute in Thanos’ broken heart. Again, they would have made for a pretty powerful couple in the MCU, but we’re really okay with never seeing Thanos kiss anyone… ever, thanks.
Published: Feb 16, 2023 08:51 am