7) Sint (2010)
Director: Dick Maas
Alright, so the Dutch may be a little racist, have a twisted tale about medieval Santa, and dub their films pretty horribly, but as far as killer Claus’ go, Sint is a pretty brutal Christmas horror film hardcore fans will enjoy. Dick Maas’ holiday horror gets grimly sinister, even more so than regular X-mas slashers, as this slaying Santa is a fabled legend who appears every December 5th during a full moon to kidnap and murder children, harming those who love our winter holiday the most.
Seriously, there are some grossly crazy kills for Santa in Sint, especially coming at the hand of St. Nicholaus’ “S” shaped scepter, pictured above. That’s right, not only are his undead/evil minions running amok and stealing children, but Santa himself patrols rooftops with hawk-like vision, picking off any poor souls too caught up in the celebratory nature of December.
My advice? Tough out the horrible voice dubbing, so bad it’s distracting at times, because with death scenes this good, it’s hard not to find horror fun in Sint. How about some damn good ho, ho, horror?? (Yes, I’ve been waiting to use that little doozy.)
6) Santa’s Slay (2005)
Director: David Steiman
So, imagine that Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel that forced him into being a delivery man of toys and joy? What happens when the bet is off? Oh yeah, you bet your ass Santa is pissed, returning to his evil past of death and destruction, and loving every minute of it. Oh, and who better to play a beer swilling, people killing version of everyone’s most beloved holiday icon? WCW superstar Bill Goldberg, that’s who.
Ok, I’ll admit this story treads lightly on the line of horror, being more zany and cartoonish instead, but I have to admit, it’s a guilty holiday pleasure of mine. Just look at the opening scene if you don’t believe me – James Caan, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Fayheart, and Fran Drescher are sitting around a lavish dinner feast, when in bursts an angry Bill Goldberg Santa directly through the brick chimney. Not out it, through it. Very angry, and looking for vengeful retribution. If that didn’t set a horror comedy tone worthy of a December bump, I don’t know what could!
5) Silent Night (2012)
Director: Steven C. Miller
Didn’t hear of Steven C. Miller’s loose Silent Night, Deadly Night remake yet? Don’t worry, it literally just came out, but is a refreshing bit of horror gifted to us this season, and definitely a holiday treat worth your time. Miller is able to keep some of that strange comedy and silly fun of the original without getting too corny, while also upping the killage in glorious fashion, like mesmerizing red garland on an already beautifully decorated tree.
Our cast also did a great job getting into the holiday spirit, or denouncing it like Donal Logue’s character. Jamie King asserts herself as a genre mainstay playing lead officer Aubrey Bradimore and Malcolm McDowell shows up as the cocky local sheriff, bringing credibility to Miller’s already improved film.
But, did I undersell how splatteriffic Silent Night is? Miller’s film gives you a reason to fear even the most innocent holiday staples. Wood chippers, Christmas lights, and oh yeah, it wouldn’t be a Silent Night, Deadly Night remake without some axe-wielding horror. For fun, see if you can pick out all the Christmas horror movie references Silent Night words in, recognizing the whole, underrated genre.
Still need more reinforcement? Check out my review here!
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