Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Script Not So Gnarly

When Michael Bay announced that he would reboot Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and make them into aliens), the fan uproar was predictable and extreme. Now with script details leaked on the website TMNT, NOT TANT, the news is even more dire. Apparently, the script looks absolutely dreadful.

The anti-reboot blog got ahold of the Paramount script and produced a comprehensive and vitriolic review, complete with excerpts from the script itself. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles script focuses more on Casey Jones and Colonel Schrader (yes, Schrader, not Shredder) than on the titular heroes in a half-shell. And that’s just the beginning.

There are lines of dialogue like “I’ve seen every episode of Planet Earth and there was nothing like you guys” and “That damn frog was right: It ain’t easy being green.” There are also alien turtle warriors and an inexplicable amount of swearing. So far, not a single fan has seemed happy about the script either. Paramount objected to the leaked script in a cease and desist letter to the blog, but the damage may have already been done.

According to The Film Stage, the production has been pushed back due to script problems, but Paramount continues to have it slated for May 2014. That being said, the recent fan reaction may mean that there could be even more hang-ups for our favorite pizza-eating ninja reptiles.

As far as I’m concerned, if this film never sees the light of day it will prove that Hollywood does indeed have a soul. Bay already angered fans by simply turning the mutants into aliens and the leaked script only adds fuel to the flames.

How much angrier must he make the fans that should be his target audience? If the few details are anything to go by, this one should be tossed down the sewers.

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