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Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: Mainstream Horror Nightmares – And Not The Good Kind

After struggling through I, Frankenstein not too long ago, this week's article topic was an easy one for me to come up with - mainstream horror moments that make Nato and Remy very sad pandas. Seriously - did any of you see I, Frankenstein? Sure, there were some decently entertaining fight sequences between gargoyles, demons, and a studly Frankenstein, but at the expense of character development, storyboarding, and proper atmosphere design that couldn't even establish a hustling and bustling city. What kind of city has zero residents besides living gargoyles and shapeshifting demons?

Remy – The Resident Evil Series

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Yes, the entire flipping series. All they had to do was remake the first game, and so on, and so forth. What did they do instead? They made an already convoluted plot even more convoluted. They took out all of the scares. They crammed game references in places where they didn’t need to exist. On top of that, the films shit on everything that makes the games (pre RE6) so great.

Was there any tension? Nope.

Characters who we can get somewhat invested in? Nope.

A heroine who always feels like the odds are against her at all times? Nope.

On top of that, this series ruined Milla Jovovich for me. From Kuffs to Dazed and Confused to the Fifth Element, I loved that woman. I loved everything she did. Hell, I even have her f*cking folk art album. Yes, she made one of those. But as you know, nepotism runs Hollywood, and considering her husband is the one who keeps screwing this series in the ass, she keeps making them. Fucking Matrix bullet-time bullshit. I hate this series so fucking much. As if it all wasn’t bad enough, I think the Nemesis fight pretty much wins (loses).

Yes, a 130 pound woman could beat up a walking tank whose soul purpose is to kill. Yeah, okay.

I know I sound like a mega nerd right now, but I’m okay with that. The movies have shallow writing, awful acting and casting, and the CG is unforgivable. No. Just no!

This series is fucking foolish and needs to stop.

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