The nauseating remake of an all-time action classic gets a fresh coat of identical paint on streaming

The entire point behind remaking a movie should theoretically be the idea that it’s going to improve and expand upon an original, which is the bare minimum for justifying its own existence. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Paul Verhoeven’s Total Recall is regarded as a classic for a reason, so there was no chance the 2012 do-over would even be as good, never mind better.

Colin Farrell is unquestionably a fantastic actor, but the weakest weapon in his cinematic arsenal has proven to be almost every time he tries to play a straightforward action hero. Throw in the director of the underwhelming Underworld and the disappointing Live Free or Die Hard, and the sleek and shiny $125 million blockbuster didn’t stand a chance.

Total Recall V2.0 is almost exactly the same film as the one made over 20 years previously, except it isn’t as fun or exciting, or even a fraction as entertaining. Instead, it’s a joyless sci-fi slog punctuated by a couple of admittedly impressive action scenes and some nifty CGI, but you’d have to travel far and wide to find someone who’d call it their favorite spin on the story with a straight face.

Then again, streaming subscribers have opted to get their asses to Mars in their numbers this weekend, with FlixPatrol outing Total Recall as a Top 10 hit in multiple countries on not just Prime Video’s worldwide watch-list, but the iTunes global rankings, too. Spoiler alert, though; there’s a markedly superior cosmic yarn with the exact same title, and it still rules.