Arguments – they’re part of life. We’re all competitive beasts, never wanting to admit fault or defeat, and will go to great lengths when defending our honor when challenged or threatened. Arguments have started wars, shattered relationships, broken families, declared victors, but have also awarded respect. A win will always be a win, but longstanding respect and admitted defeat are far greater trophies than another tally mark on a record sheet somewhere. That’s where our story begins for this group of alcohol swigging, loud mouthed master-debaters (had to make that joke once, c’mon!), connected by our love of whiskey, which is only overpowered by our love for all things pop culture – cinema, music, television, gaming, you name it. Inebriation and verbal assaulting, how could this go wrong?!
Needless to say, all we do now is argue about pop culture and hot topics of the day. Despite sounding like the grunts and groans of a pack of psychopaths, we decided to translate our debates into a readable affair. This means that every few weeks or so, we will be posting our thoughts on upcoming releases and pop culture in general. Since agreeing is for peace-loving hippies, our arguments will be broken up into two sides, and the winner is decided by the readers. Yes, our fates are in your hands!
Before we begin though, allow us to introduce ourselves.
Rob: Born on December 2, 1978, in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, his Portuguese parents, Maria Manuela and António José Furtado, were emigrants from the Azores, both from São Miguel Island. They emigrated to Canada in the late 1960s. He was named for Soviet gymnast Robbie Kim. His siblings are Michael Anthony and Lisa Anne, and they were raised Roman Catholic. At age four, he began performing and singing in Portuguese. Rob’s first public performance was when he sang a duet with her mother at a church on Portugal Day. He began playing musical instruments at the age of nine, learning the trombone, ukulele and – in later years – the guitar and keyboards. At the age of 12, he began writing songs, and as a teenager, he performed in a Portuguese marching band. He has acknowledged his family as the source of his strong work ethic; he spent eight summers working as a chambermaid with his mother, along with his brother and sister, who was a housekeeper in Victoria. He has stated that coming from a working-class background has shaped his identity in a positive way. Also violent movies and video games.
Gem: Gem has lived the secluded life of an academic, dedicated to a better understanding of critical analysis. Emerging from five years struggling to insert page numbers into Word, Gem indulged in the world of film to satiate her creative side – from which burst the need to obliterate those who do not agree with her inane, profane ranting. Her most critically acclaimed debate was executed at this year’s Comic Con when she swayed a crowd of riotous nerds into agreeing that yes, a coat rack could defeat Wolverine. The opposition doesn’t stand a chance.
Nato: Traveling back in time from a dystopian universe where pop culture debates are a game of life and death, Nato (formerly Natobombious Kick-Assious) continues to extend his unbeaten streak against the competition he now sees in three (barely) functioning alcoholics who devour useless entertainment factoids like the bottles of Jack taped to their hands. Matt can make a case for anything, but enjoys the new challenge of debate through writing, disabling his hypnotically enchanting “hair-flip” closing visual, typically bringing competition to their knees with one swiftly punctuated “swoosh.” Who needs a closing argument when you have great hair? You’re about to witness the great lengths he’s willing to go and mighty stretches he’s willing to make, abandoning all notions of self-respect just to deliver the most convincing arguments conceivable. A pop-culture chameleon, Nato can do it all. We promise we’ll do our best to contain him, but it might be too late already…
Alex: Formed from the recovered DNA of Stephen A. Douglas, Ben Franklin, and Socrates, Alex is an unstoppable force in an argument. Basically every epic speech in every courtroom movie/TV show ever was copied verbatim from arguments Alex has made. If the world listened to his points on abortion, gay marriage, or America’s healthcare system, all people would finally be in agreement. But why waste his talents on such minutia? It’s the world of the media that sparks the fiercest debates, and thus his fiercest opinions. But just because he’s such an eloquent debater in person doesn’t mean that doesn’t translate into his writing. Some argue the pen is mightier than the sword. Well Alex doesn’t write with a pen, he uses a sword to slice paper into the words that crush those who disagree. Whoever opposes him ought to fear for not only their dignity, but their safety as well.
Today’s Argument: Which Celebrity’s House Would Make The Best Apocalyptic Hideout?
In case you hadn’t noticed, Hollywood’s got a big bump in its shorts over the apocalypse. The last few years have proven that Tinseltown’s macabre fascination with our planet’s demise is not diminishing. We all figured Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia would be enough. Enough! But no, that misery fest has only spurred on other filmmakers to make their thoughts known on the good old End Of The World. The release of This Is The End has got us lot thinking; if the apocalypse does happen, which celebrity’s house would we want to hide out in? You’d need shelter, food and obviously a wide array of entertainment. Read on for our top pads for riding out the rapture…