At this point, does it even matter which ridiculous character becomes president? After the Trump nightmare, a few other celebs have been touted to run, from (hopefully) joke candidates like Ye, to everyone’s favorite peddler of pseudoscience and promoter of serial mass rapists Oprah Winfrey. But now it seems we have a celeb candidate worth voting for: none other than Afroman.
The “Because I got High” singer apparently stopped hitting the blunt long enough to register to run for the presidency in 2024, as per his snazzy campaign website. Considering he was just the subject of a pointless (and potentially racially motivated) police raid (which he turned into a hilarious music video that the cops who raided him are very angry about), we’re not entirely sure that this is just a joke. Nothing spurs people into politics quite like facing an obvious injustice.
Afroman — whose given name is Joseph Edgar Foreman — has a pretty interesting slate of policy ideas. His campaign website opens with a message from his campaign manager, Jason Savage:
“My fellow Americans, There comes a time in the course of human events when change must be affected. That time is now. Americans are suffering, and the status quo is no longer acceptable. We need a candidate that is truly elected by the people, and for the people. We need a man that can step up and lead with a firm hand. The people are starved for a Commander in Chief, that leads from a place of love and not hate. In these dark times, we need a leader that truly embodies the American dream. It is my immense honor and pleasure to formally announce Afroman as an independent candidate for President of the United States of America.”
A fairly uncontroversial message to get behind, it seems. However, when we get on to what the famous rapper would do if he was in charge, things get a little more… interesting, although the more outlandish ideas are mixed in with some genuinely important pledges. There are eight key policies that he would promote, if elected:
- Decriminalize Cannabis on a Federal level (of course)
- Criminal justice reform
- Law enforcement reform
- The halting of all foreign aid (Trump lovers, take notice)
- Reparations for slavery
- Foster a sense of unity, love, and peace
- More sports celebrations
- Legalize sex work across the U.S
While much of this might be a joke to Foreman, the fact is many of these issues are pressing and necessary. The U.S locks up 535 out of every 100,000 of its population, many of whom are only in prison because of nonviolent offences. A substantial percentage of these people become institutionalized and unable to function in the outside world, and thus get turned onto harder crimes when they’re relased, trapping them in a cycle of crime and incarceration.
The need for law enforcement reform has also been clear for decades to anybody who’s been paying attention, but since the death of George Floyd it’s become even more acute. Police unions are among some of the most corrupt organizations in the country, and have long used their power to make sure violent, unhinged officers receive little or even no punishment for despicable crimes committed while on duty.
Legalizing sex work across the country is also a controversial topic, especially given the way America’s puritanical roots stretch deep into the national psyche. But, as Foreman’s campaign website says, “Legalizing prostitution will ensure the safety and dignity of the sex worker.” Most evidence says that statement is hard to argue with, although even in countries where sex work is legal there’s still a steady stream of trafficked women taking part in it, so it’s not a perfect solution.
It’s not all liberal talking points though: Foreman has said he’ll end all foreign aid, which is something many Trump fans were making positive noises about when Trump proposed something similar (in much more inflammatory language). Of course, foreign aid is usually just a way to promote geopolitical aims that entrench American power, but nobody needs to tell conservatives that.
Thanks to America’s two party system, and the fact it favors those with hundreds of millions of dollars to invest in campaigning, we’re unlikely to see Afroman become America’s 47th president. With that said, anything can happen in politics: even a man famous for loving blunts sitting in the White House. And, let’s be honest, there are worse candidates to vote for.
