Man says brother-in-law’s new baby ‘tradition’ seemed sweet at first, until he saw the Excel spreadsheet: ‘she said I’m overreacting’

One poster’s partner’s brother is expecting a baby in a few days, and a new plan for family assistance appears to be causing a stir, according to a Reddit post by u/VerbascumCandle in r/AmItheAsshole. The couple, aged 29 and 27, reportedly decided to start a meal tradition in which close family members and a few friends would provide meals and groceries for an unspecified period.

They even created an Excel spreadsheet to track the meal tradition’s schedule and list specific ingredients the new mother can eat. At first glance, this seemed like a thoughtful way to help a new mother recover, and he at first thought, “What a cute idea!” However, the situation reportedly became complicated as the full requirements for the support became clear.

The meal tradition appears to go beyond feeding the mother while she recovers from giving birth. The couple reportedly expects people to provide groceries and home-cooked meals for both the mother and the father for an unknown period. This is particularly frustrating for the poster, as the father is said to be unemployed, though he reportedly has some side hustles.

The new dad apparently plans to stay home while everyone else cooks

The poster said the father intends to stay home and practice his role as a father while others handle the cooking and shopping. When the poster raised the issue, his partner reportedly dismissed the concerns and labeled the request a sweet meal tradition. The partner even claimed it was a way to see who could be trusted and who could help in the future.

This led to a tense disagreement, with poster partner dismissing their concerns, “she said I’m overreacting.” The partner had already started buying ingredients and collecting recipes. Eventually, the partner shut down the conversation and told the poster to forget about it if they did not want to participate. Similar family standoffs have played out before, including a sister’s babysitting ban over a new relationship.

The financial context appears to add another layer of tension. The poster and their partner live on minimum wage and manage their finances separately. Meanwhile, the brother-in-law reportedly bragged that his wife will receive 2.5 times the poster’s monthly income in government maternity support.

He also said that as the baby only needs food, which they consider free, they plan to spend the extra funds on items unrelated to the baby. This information reportedly came to light about a week after the couple shared their food spreadsheet. Money has strained other in-law relationships too, as seen in a $230 bridesmaid dress dispute.

In the US, a similar custom known as a meal train has grown popular, with an online calendar letting people sign up for a night to bring a family dinner. Organizers often list the parents’ favorite foods and local restaurants, according to Cup of Jo.

But opinions on the alleged meal tradition above appears to have split among those who have weighed in. “What a creative new way to exploit the people who love you,” one commenter wrote, adding that both parents are home and can order food. Others see things differently, noting that sharing food chores is common in many cultures, even if the spreadsheet approach feels unusual. “This is actually super common in some cultures (minus the excel file),” one commenter wrote.