So, uh, why the heck was Don Jr. rubbing his gums at the SpaceX launch? Cocaine, explained

Ah, cocaine. The powdered extract of the South American coca plant has been popular for centuries, existing as a staple for weary Natives centuries before the first conquistadores set foot on American soil.

The drug might be the only thing Kevin Feige says is off limits, but despite its illegality in most of the world, the Big C is second only to cannabis. Its energizing effects have made it one of the leading party drugs, and it’s known to entice users from every walk of life – especially mega-wealthy party bros like Donald Trump Jr. It’s the only reasonable, if technically unsubstantiated explanation for how he manages such energetic endorsements of everything Donald Trump père – and explains his “gum scratch” during a recent SpaceX launch.

Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s questionable business relationship continues to grow, and it’s clear the obscenely wealthy men are content to live in one another’s pockets. The president-elect and a few of his favorite people, including his eldest son, made the trek out to Texas on Nov. 19 to witness the latest SpaceX test flight. The whole affair wrapped up in under 2 hours, but it seems Jr. needed a little help getting through the demonstration.

During the 90-minute event, news cameras caught the younger Trump indulging in what appeared to be cocaine. Dipping a hand into his pocket, he quickly slides a finger into his mouth, swiping it across his gums while attempting to look inconspicuous. The move was so poorly executed that it could have been spotted from the deck of the test flight, however – and the internet was quick to crack jokes.  

“The launch may have been in Texas but he made sure there was plenty of snow,” one cackled.

“I guess if your dad is the president you don’t get in trouble for that,” mused another.

Rubbing cocaine on the gums is a less obvious way for users to get a fix in public. The mouth has an extensive network of blood vessels in the oral mucosa, and the added liquid of saliva helps to increase the absorption rate. It’s a quick way to reach that euphoric cocaine high, and as long as no one is watching closely, it’s easy to get away with.

Unfortunately for Trump, he just wasn’t quite fast enough. A surprising number of users voiced concern over his drug use, not for the act itself, but for what they saw as a clear sign of addiction. They urged the first son to speak to a professional and voiced concern over those around him failing to get help.

Still, his father’s supporters were quick to come to his defense. Some claimed it was a Zyn, a nicotine pouch that rests between the upper lip and the gums. To those sweet summer children, we recommend The Wolf of Wall Street, Blow, or even Cocaine Bear for some context.

The media has been speculating about Trump’s cocaine use for years. He’s appeared on multiple broadcasts, sniffling and rubbing his nose while speaking with more enthusiasm than the energizer bunny. The rumors have spread to his paramour Kimberly Guilfoyle, though the former proscecutor appears to be on the outs with the family.

While speaking with Theo Von, Trump Senior claims he’s told all of his kids, “No drugs, no drinking, no smoking,” but after that video, we have to wonder how well Jr. listened to the solid advice.