Sorry everyone, everywhere, but Mitch McConnell simply refuses to fade back into the toxic ether from which he was born.
Instead, he persists, seemingly long after his demise, in irritating and inflaming American citizens with his dinosaur takes on various current events. The latest is truly mind-bending in its blatant, unabashed hypocrisy, which also qualifies it as a patented GOP approach to leadership.
McConnell is an 82-year-old who looks, acts, and thinks like a 279-year-old, yet he still maintains a position in the U.S. government. For some truly inexplicable reason, the poor people of Kentucky have allowed the human-turtle hybrid to become the longest-serving Senator in the state’s history, which has provided him with a truly criminal number of opportunities to impact major political decisions.
His latest “old man yells at cloud” moment saw McConnell, among the Senate’s most openly partisan member, complain about the excessive partisanship of the Democrat party. A more absurd complaint would be hard to find, given McConnell’s history, but that fact seems to be lost on the currently-decaying member of Congress.
This is the same man who refused to even consider Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, Merrick Garland, because it was an election year and he believed the next sitting president should name the nominee. Then, just four short years later, he completely contradicted his former stance when Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg passed away in September of 2020, another election year. He immediately moved to allow a vote, so that Donald Trump could appoint the next Justice, despite his former assertion that the “vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”
It was all thoroughly infuriating and undeniably partisan, and yet here McConnell is, croaking on about how “open partisanship” is taking over the Democratic party. And all because, now that the Supreme Court has been stacked — thanks to McConnell’s disgusting meddling — and courts across the nation are flooded with Trump appointees, several left-leaning judges decided to hold off on retirement for another few years.
McConnell would very much like for U.S. District Judges Max Cogburn and Algenon Marbley to go ahead and retire so Trump can fill their positions with soulless scumbags, but the pair of actual heroes have decided to stick it out for a while longer. Previously, both had announced their intent to step back, but with news that America is headed into four more years of MAGA, they recognized how vital a role they could play.
That isn’t sitting well with Mitch the Bi… well, you get the point. He’s slamming the decision as “open partisanship” from Cogburn and Marbley, adding that the move “exposes bold Democratic blue where there should only be black robes.”
McConnell claims the decision to stay on for a few more years “undermines the integrity of the judiciary,” and I can’t quite figure out whether to laugh, cry, rip my hair out, or fly to Kentucky to push an old man down a hill (don’t worry, irate readers sprinting to my Facebook DMs, that last one was a joke). It’s actually insane for someone as blatantly bought off as McConnell to complain about literally anyone else’s partisanship, but since the man sold his soul to Republican billionaires years before many of us were born, what more can we expect?
Published: Dec 4, 2024 03:35 pm