‘Does he sneak into teenage boys rooms’: Sperm Tracker RFK Jr. has worms eating his brain and it’s getting embarrassing

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who somehow ended up as Health and Human Services Secretary, seems to have an odd fixation these days. Out of all the crises plaguing the nation this guy has decided to laser-focus on one thing: teenager boys’ sperm count. It’s starting to get a little creepy.

What began as a seemingly straightforward announcement about phasing out artificial food dyes quickly spiraled into Kennedy’s apparent fixation on the virility of America’s youth. During a Tuesday appearance on Fox News’ Jesse Watters Primetime, Kennedy was ostensibly there to discuss his department’s initiative to remove eight artificial food colorings from the American diet by 2026. 

Instead, viewers were treated to a meandering diatribe about how “the food our kids are eating today is not really food” before Kennedy launched into his greatest hits of health alarmism. The Health Secretary rattled off statistics about chronic disease and obesity before landing on his apparent favorite talking point – that today’s American teenage boys supposedly have testosterone levels comparable to senior citizens.

The real question here is, how does RFK Jr. know that? Does he sneak into teenage boys rooms to check their testosterone levels and their sperm counts? Those are the real questions we should be asking, Jesse!!!! https://t.co/Gxndr4qU4R

— Shayne Bilbrey 🏳️‍🌈 (@shaybilb09) April 23, 2025

“An American teenager today has less testosterone than a 68-year-old man,” Kennedy declared. It’s hard to take him seriously when his priorities are so out of whack. Even host Jesse Watters appeared caught off guard.

Let’s not forget that this isn’t RFK Jr.’s first foray into questionable health claims. This is the same man who has spent years spreading misinformation about vaccines, claiming they cause autism—a theory that has been thoroughly debunked by every credible scientist on the planet. So when he starts throwing around wild numbers and apocalyptic warnings about teenage testosterone, it’s hard not to roll your eyes.

As I sit here finishing this article, I can’t help but wonder if somewhere in Washington, an aide is desperately trying to redirect the Health Secretary’s attention toward, I don’t know, actual healthcare policy. Or perhaps they’re just sighing and ordering another bulk supply of testosterone testing kits for Kennedy’s next impromptu high school science experiment. In the meantime, American teenagers can rest assured that regardless of what’s happening with their hormones, their Health Secretary is very, very concerned about it – possibly more than they are themselves, which might be the most unsettling part of this entire story.