Donald ’91 felony counts’ Trump might want to kickstart a career in begging after new money woes emerge

Yes, it is now a known fact that Donald Trump’s greed for money has no limits — closely followed by his love for power, lies, and flaunting a lonely brain cell that has long since degraded. But what he forgot — and what his MAGA lovers are surely discovering — is that the money he managed to horde (read: steal through his scam charity and myriad other frauds) does have an expiration date.

Or more likely, Trump’s stash doesn’t have the magical ability to replenish itself as it fails to match the rate at which his legal funds and campaign funds are getting drained in order to pay the fees in the many, many, many — 91 to be exact — felony lawsuits against him. As outlined in a report by Bloomberg, after severely depleting his legal funds in 2023 to pay for all the legal expenses he keeps facing, he only has $26.6 million left to dump down the same never-ending black hole of his crimes finally demanding justice. 

But that’s like a drop in the ocean in front of the mountain of allegations and trials he is facing (not to mention losing lawsuits where he sued someone)— it will run out, that too when the presidential election campaign really hits the floor in July.

So, what can Trump, who started 2024 by toeing the line of bankruptcy, do next? Well, he has been actively relying on the several political committees he set up — Save America, MAGA Inc., etc — and the donations they receive to fund his legal adventures, which means even they are tight on cash.

Now, the ex-POTUS clearly has plans to empty out the Republican National Committee (RNC) next. Just days ago, he endorsed Lara Trump, his daughter-in-law, to be the co-chair of the committee, who in turn has sworn that if she is elected she would spend “every single penny” (via The Hill) in the fund to ensure her father-in-law is elected to the White House. Yep, you can forget the need for the RNC to not take sides during the presidential election — despite Lara Trump’s boast, the RNC will presumably still be focused on aiding all its member Republicans to win elections across the nation, not facilitating the whims of one man.

But even the RNC wouldn’t be able to help Trump, as it hasn’t managed to accumulate the towering figures in 2024 the ex-president needs to fund his legal expenses.

So, how will Trump conjure the funds to fight his zillionth felony trial, and still have some left for his 2024 election campaign?

He could start panhandling, maybe? Well, while the image of Trump sitting at the red light and holding a sign asking for money would make a great poster, the twice-impeached former president has found a not-so-innovative path to request *cough* beg *cough* for money — by penning a love letter to his dear wife, Melania.

How does that work? First, please remember that tact, or annything even remotely resembling the thing called shame or dignity is not in Trump’s dictionary. And that’s why he chose to pen a “love letter” to Melania as a part of his campaign email, with the subject line, “I love you, Melania!”

“Dear Melania, I LOVE YOU. Even after every single INDICTMENT, ARREST, and WITCH HUNT, you never left my side. You’ve always supported me through everything. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without your guidance, kindness, and warmth.“

But evidently, her guidance and kindness are not enough for Trump, as those unfortunate enough to read the letter are then redirected to a website that implores the reader to contribute to his campaign and allow him, the man who voluntarily debunked his sham of being anti-war, to “save America.”

Will it work? Logically, it shouldn’t. But that’s what the saner section of the population thought back in 2016 and after that, when he restarted his reelection campaign — he still accumulated millions in donations and it was not just from the rich donors. 

But maybe, hopefully, it won’t, not this time, since we have been exposed to more of what Trump’s true nature is and what he will be inflicting on America if he gets to serve a second term. And maybe he knows that’s what is in store for him — it would explain why KFC gravy has become his makeup of choice.