Donald Trump probably has more active plans afoot to kill him than anybody else on Earth. It seems that people from every corner of the political spectrum are plotting his death: from the left, the right, and now apparently even “radical centrists” like Cole Allen.
It’s worth wondering just how close he comes to death at each public event he attends. How many would-be assassins like Allen chicken out at the last minute and don’t do anything? After all, we only usually hear about the people who actually shoot their shot, so to speak.
All of which means it’d probably make sense for Trump to wear a bulletproof vest when out and about. It seems this very sensible option has been suggested to Trump, but he’s shrugged and said no for an impressively vain reason:
Q: Is there talk about wearing a bulletproof vest going forward?
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 30, 2026
TRUMP: I don't know if I can handle looking 20 pounds heavier pic.twitter.com/6Q8wQGCssG
“I don’t know if I can handle looking 20 pounds heavier.”
Well, fair enough I guess. Presumably, he assumes some brave Secret Service agent will leap in front of any bullet heading in his direction and hope their vest holds up.
Don’t tell the assassins this!
But it’s worth considering that those same Secret Service personnel are likely rubbing their foreheads in frustration at this comment. They’d probably like the many gun-toting crazies with assassination ambitions to assume that Trump is, in fact, wearing a bulletproof vest at all times.
After all, this may mean they’ll assume they can’t simply shoot him, which may be enough to discourage them altogether. Failing that, they may assume they’ll need to aim for the head which, even in Trump’s case, is a harder target to hit.
Trump has now effectively painted a target on his chest to help any would-be assassins cooking up a homicidal scheme. And you can 100% guarantee this won’t be the last time someone decides to throw away their life for a chance of taking out Trump.
We only pray they don’t succeed. If Trump were assassinated, he would instantly become a martyr, his crimes would be swept away, and in death he’d be placed atop a pedestal as a man who made the ultimate sacrifice for his country. What would follow that would almost certainly be worse, likely a more competent and focused type of evil than Trump’s chaotic flailing.
If you oppose him, it’s far smarter to let time take its natural course as Trump collapses into ill health and mental confusion, his burbling nonsense inexorably discrediting the MAGA project. Some day, perhaps even some day soon, Trump will die. We can only pray it’s from natural causes.
Published: May 1, 2026 05:48 am