Donald Trump is more concerned with defending his ‘beautiful blue eyes’ than sharting in courtrooms

Donald Trump has a track record of vehemently denying accusations [re: facts], whether it was stealing confidential documents from the White House, inciting the Jan. 6 riots, his true age, his steadily degrading mental state, or the latest, that he has been falling asleep during his ongoing hush money trial. 

So, going by that ever-present logic, when the former president doesn’t jump up to spin a cringe-inducing story to poorly shoot down something, it means that even His Dumbness couldn’t put together a mind-numbing word salad to deny the truth.

Updates and pictures of Trump snoozing in court have been the talk of town lately, his expressions slack as he daydreams about committing more frauds, embezzling money from the nation, and saving pens from gravity. But that’s not the only adventure Sleepy Don has been embarking on — stinking up the courtroom by consistently farting after gobbling cheeseburgers without paying tips has been on his list as well.

Just like his top VP contender, Kristi Noem, who is trying to back peddle after disgustingly writing and promoting that she shot her 14-month-old puppy because she hated him, Trump is also blaming “FAKE MEDIA” for spreading the very visible and hard-to-unsee truth of his dozing legends in court.

It took me a minute too — those “beautiful blue eyes” made me gag as well — but notice how he only addresses the sleeping, even though that “fake” news has always been accompanied by tales of his constant sharting symphony (earning him nicknames like “Diaper Don” and the newest “Von ShitzinPants”).

Hold on. This man has tried to shrug off his streak of forgetting who is the current president and what grammar means as deliberate attempts at being sarcastic. Don’t tell me he can’t put together some insane claim like he is being fed bad burgers as a part of the “Witch Hunt” against him. Unlike Marjorie Taylor Greene, his former favorite, he doesn’t let any comment made about him slide. But he lets this one roam free (much like his reign of terror as Poopy Fartzilla)?

Nuh, uh. Nope. There is truth here, as smelly and stinky as its creator. 

But if, someday, “beautiful blue eyes” Trump manages to rein in that incoming fart and conjures enough courage to tell us all that it smells like a garden of sweet alyssum, be ready to hold in that urge to barf. Maybe courier him a truck of diapers? Sign the petition to stop every McDonald’s in America to never serve him a burger?