Ladies, listen up! If you want a passport to Donald Trump‘s deranged dreamland where women frolic in fields of “happiness, health, confidence, and freedom,” there’s a teensy little stipulation.
You’ve gotta wrestle your “fat pig” husbands off the couch and drag their sorry butts to the voting booth. Yep, the former President spewed this repulsive rhetoric at a rally in Detroit, as he desperately clings to hope in his nail-biter race against VP Kamala Harris in the crucial battleground state of Michigan.
Now, it’s not clear whether he is referencing Jill Biden and President Joe Biden in this unhinged, offensive rant. Even without the context, there are other facts to consider.
With a gut bloated from wolfing down calorie bombs and a brain tingling from a toxic trifecta of Diet Coke, Cheeto dust huffing, and delusions of grandeur, Trump’s vile comments seem to merely reflect his own grotesque image. So it’s hysterically hypocritical to hear him hurl “couch potato” insults. Trump Jr., recently bragged that his pops has a PhD in McDonald’s menuology, where Trump squanders more time than grappling with pesky policy issues like a planet on fire. So forgive us for questioning why any sofa-squatting voter would haul themselves up to support this clown.
As always, Kamala Harris’ campaign pounced on the clip of Trump’s word vomit, sparing neither Trump nor his sidekick, JD Vance, from the onslaught of scorn. Poor Vance found himself the laughingstock of the internet, with memes and rumors galore painting him as a guy who gets his jollies by defiling innocent couch cushions.
If Vance is truly sounding the alarm on America’s need for a baby boom — and taking swipes at “childless cat ladies” for their lack of contribution — then someone clearly needs to remind him couches don’t make great co-parents.
Jokes aside, at the end of the day, whatever freaky fantasies Vance has is between him and his maker. While Vance’s book “Hillbilly Elegy” was chock-full of crude caricatures of blue-collar Appalachians, he mercifully spared us the gory details of any torrid love affairs – there’s only so much readers can digest, after all.
We also can’t overlook the fact that Trump’s vulgar attempts at voter outreach may come back to bite him. Beyond the recent unflattering leaks about Vance that paint a picture of a man plotting his own House of Cards-esque schemes, Trump’s unhinged ramblings do little to reassure voters that he’s fit for office. According to polling aggregator FiveThirtyEight, Harris currently holds a lead over Trump in Michigan. So, Trump might want to pause his dementia dance and pick up a clue – his McPresidency is about to be super-sized right out of existence by the real-life John Hughes movie villain.