Kristi Noem spreads story ‘cannibal’ in ICE detention ‘ate himself,’ but the evidence? – a solid, ‘Trust me, bro’

According to Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, some illegal immigrants are cannibals who would even go as far as to eat themselves.

The shocking allegation was made during a visit to a new facility in Everglades, Florida, that the Trump administration has named “Alligator Alcatraz.” The Trump administration fast-tracked construction of the detention center in just eight days in a bid to apparently “make America safe again.”

Right now, “Alligator Alcatraz” stands as the largest immigration detention center in the US, with a total possible capacity of 3,000, and the Trump administration is eyeing an expansion to hold 5,000. This was Trump’s first scheduled visit to the detention center, and after some tasteless photo ops, Kristi Noem tried to justify the need for such a center by making bold claims about a cannibal who was allegedly on the loose before ICE detained him. The Homeland Security Secretary said:

“The other day, I was talking to some [U.S.] marshals that have been partnering with ICE. They said that they had detained a cannibal and put him on a plane to take him home, and while they had him in his seat, he started to eat himself and they had to get him off and get him medical attention.”

People reached out to DHS for further information on this supposed cannibal but didn’t get a response. Noem, however, assured that these are the “deranged individuals” on American streets that the administration is ultimately trying to eject. This note is important because the Trump administration’s ramped-up immigration policies have been getting more inhumane with every passing day, to the point where even Republicans have been publicly questioning whether this is the best way to approach this particular campaign promise. 

Noem added that the Biden administration had let bad actors like “rapists and murderers” into the country and that Trump’s administration has no choice but to find ways to enforce mass immigration policies, despite the laws and Constitution presenting them with an obstacle course on how things should be done.

As for how Noem envisions immigration under Trump’s administration? Well, it’s not too far from the theatrics that have defined their dealings so far. Earlier this year, it was reported they were looking into creating a reality show where contestants would go around the country doing challenges tied to specific locations, with the ultimate winner getting a path to citizenship and the “losers,” well… they’re still working on that. The depravity of the entire idea was not lost on people, and soon complaints flooded social media. Kristi Noem shut down the claims of a reality TV show and dismissed it as just one of the many pitches they receive each year, which is a confusing statement, but with the Trump administration, we’ll take good news however it comes. Nobody needs a Squid Game for immigration.

As for the cannibal claims, they’re probably counting on nobody actually following up, lest they have to walk back yet another bizarre statement. Then again, they might double down, as Noem herself has doubled down on far worse under oath.

We just have to accept that we’re now dealing with an administration building the largest immigration detention centers because, apparently, there are cannibal immigrants roaming the streets who, when they run out of people to eat, start eating themselves. But hey, don’t look that up.