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Marjorie Taylor Greene and fellow republicans
Photo by Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images

‘Mob boss’ Trump’s remaining goons are so desperate to prove his innocence, they’re drafting a new bill

Desperate times call for idiotic, expensive, time-wasting measures.

Right on the heels of a federal appeals court decision that makes Donald Trump prosecutable for crimes he committed while in office, the 77-year-old’s cronies are doing everything in their power to shield the former president. This comes just one day after the decision came down in the form of a hastily-crafted resolution presented by Matt Gaetz and Elise Stefanik. In the resolution, they proclaim for all to hear that Donald Trump did not commit an insurrection. Since they say it’s so, the rest of us should just follow in form, right?

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More than 60 lawmakers came together to attempt this rewrite of history, but found less support than they clearly expected. Unlike the Republicans attempting to erase this stain on our nation’s history, most Americans have two brain cells to rub together, and all they really hear when Gaetz and his ilk attempt to glaze over the insurrection is “there is no war in Ba Sing Se.”

As it turns out, there actually was an attempted insurrection back in January of 2021 and quite a few of us watched it happen from afar. We sat, glued to our various screens, as a MAGA mob forced its way into our nation’s Capitol, chanting for blood and attempting to reach our lawmakers. The mob’s attempt to overthrow the democratic process failed, but our attempts to see them pay for their crimes will not ⏤ no matter how hard the far-right wants them to.

Gaetz’s new ploy relies heavily on revisionist history along with the hope that Americans will simply nod our heads and shuffle along as expected. Instead, the Republican lawmaker found himself on the receiving end of exasperated pushback, as people pointed out that just because you say something doesn’t make it so. The pitiful attempt wasn’t helped along by the addition of resident clown Marjorie Taylor Green, who stepped in to whine about her role in things. As it turns out, professional liar MTG hates it when people label her, or Trump, as an insurrectionist, and she blasted anyone who does so as “doing nothing but lying.”

We can certainly trust Marj to recognize a liar when she sees one, since she’s face-to-face with one every time she looks in a mirror. Her attempt to bolster Gaetz’s point only served to undermine it, however, and led to the swift and decisive decision by half the internet to provide Greene with some new nicknames. Which do you prefer: “Insurrectionist Marjorie Taylor Greene?” It’s clean, simple, and straightforward, but I’m partial to Twitter user @LakotaMan1’s suggestion of “that baboon faced DC Pipe Bombing B*tch.”

Regardless of how you label them, it seems Republicans are fully committed to reshaping the far-right into the party of liars. And it’ll keep working, so long as they continue to allow the likes of Greene, Gaetz, and Trump to serve as mouthpieces. The rest of the nation is increasingly exhausted by the never-ending antics, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Greene and Gaetz are both up for reelection this year, as is Trump, and if we vote them out of office, a new lineup of (hopefully more palatable) liars will be waiting to take their place.


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Author
Image of Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila carefully obsesses over all things geekdom and gaming, bringing her embarrassingly expansive expertise to the team at We Got This Covered. She is a Staff Writer and occasional Editor with a focus on comics, video games, and most importantly 'Lord of the Rings,' putting her Bachelors from the University of Texas at Austin to good use. Her work has been featured alongside the greats at NPR, the Daily Dot, and Nautilus Magazine.