‘We are the Party of COMMON SENSE’: Panicked Trump tries to put MAGA back together after sweeping the scandals under the rug

Donald Trump may have won the presidential run and frightened the entire world out of its mind over the prospects of another four years of his bigotry and incompetence, but his woes are only beginning to mount up. And no, we’re not talking about the fact that try as he might, the Cheeto-in-chief still hasn’t managed to toss those lawsuits.

The most bizarre development of the past two weeks has been the complete fracturing of the frenetic and cult-like MAGA faction. I mean, who would’ve thought that after winning the electoral race, Trump’s cronies would find themselves locked in a vicious civil war in a bid to carve up pieces of this new authoritarian empire? When you put it in those terms, perhaps we should’ve called it from the get-go, but there is such a thing as grace in victory, even if words like dignity and decorum no longer hold the weight they once did, especially in the world of politics.

In essence, many different coteries of fanatic Trump supporters across the MAGA movement felt utterly betrayed when their biggest benefactor and the eternal man-child CEO of X, Elon Musk, threw his support behind the H-1B work visa, a decidedly anti-right, anti-ultranationalist act. Vice President Trump was ultimately compelled to side with his senior Elon, though not without ruffling some feathers across the Republican party. This isn’t even the biggest trouble Trump and Musk have had recently. The two star-crossed lovers also butted heads with fellow GOP member and House Speaker Mike Johnson over a deal he’d reached with the Democrats to avoid a government shutdown.

Now, in a desperate attempt to bring a semblance of unity to his fractured party, Trump is fully endorsing Mike Johnson for another term as House Speaker, a decision that will further upset certain elements within the GOP who wanted Johnson gone. Trump’s brilliant idea of forcing this issue was to spew another word salad on his Truth social page, which you can read below.

“We are a party of common sense,” begins Trump, already causing a few chuckles to break out in the back. “The primary reason that we won, in a landslide, was the magnificent and historic presidential election of 2024. All SEVEN SWING STATES, 312 ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTES, AND THE POPULAR VOTE BY MILLIONS OF VOTERS (Despite large-scale voter fraud taking place in numerous states, including California, where votes are ridiculously still being counted, or under review!)”

I love how Trump must always bring up voter fraud, even if the conversation has nothing to do with it. Anyway, the convicted president-elect rambles on about the idiocy of the Democrats and how awesome he is, meandering from one subject to another in his signature rant-like speech, until finally arriving at the point, which is asking for some consensus and accord among the screaming band of oafish baboons that make up his inner circle.

“Let’s not blow this great opportunity which we have been given. The American people need IMMEDIATE relief from all of the destructive policies of the last Administration. Speaker Mike Johnson is a good, hard-working, religious man. He will do the right thing, and we will continue to WIN. Mike has my Complete & Total Endorsement. MAGA!!!”

Trump’s rhetoric is known to us all at this point, so one user perfectly summed up the president’s latest important message to the nation. “Translation: Johnson’s my lap dog, so leave him alone.”

Scream it as loud as you like, Donald. Heck, write all of your tweets in ALL CAPS from now on. None of it will change the fact that this house of cards you’ve spent your life building is crumbling faster than a Tower built on blusters and bankruptcies.