Former President Donald Trump has had a sudden change of heart when it comes to women. In a dazzling display of chivalry, he now wants to be a chivalrous knight in shining armor.
Never mind that he viciously attacked Taylor Swift, warning she would “pay a price at the marketplace” for daring to express her political views. Or that he remained suspiciously silent when his boyfriend Elon Musk made a creepy threat to impregnate her. Nevertheless, at a rally in Pennsylvania on Sep. 23, 2024, Trump boldly declared: “I always thought women liked me. I never thought I had a problem, but the fake news keeps saying women don’t like me. He then launched into a frenzied, all-caps rant, vehemently insisting that women are in dire need of his protection. “Because I am your protector,” he thundered. “As president, I have to be your protector.”
His speech was peppered with promises that under his watch, women would no longer feel abandoned or scared. Instead, they would be “happy, healthy, confident, and free” and miraculously stop worrying about reproductive rights. According to Trump, women are also currently unhealthy and depressed (if you need any proof of the dire state of women’s mental health, you just need to look at Marjorie Taylor Greene rage-blowing up cars).
Trump has been accused of sexual misconduct more times than he’s filed for bankruptcy. Last year, he was found liable for sexually abusing writer E. Jean Carroll. And it’s not just grown women who have to watch out for Trump’s wandering hands. A creepy 13-second clip has been making the rounds online, showing the former president attempting to plant a big, wet kiss on a squirming girl child. The poor thing had to dodge like a ninja to escape his clutches.
Unsurprisingly, many people, including Bette Midler, saw right through Trump’s insincere and frankly skin-crawling comments. In a now-deleted tweet, Midler gave him a piece of her mind as she expressed her utter exasperation with his continued presence and his broken-record rhetoric:
“No woman wants protection from the likes of you, you raping lying felon. Sure we’re stressed; we’re bummed bc you’re still here! Repeating that same old boring shit from last time! Go away, you fucking INCOMPETENT. Why are you still here?! You’re the #KingKong of assholes!!”
Ouch. Bette certainly didn’t mince words, and for good reason.
In a 1991 interview, he infamously remarked, “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” This nauseating objectification of women is further highlighted by his current entanglement in a hush-money scandal, all because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Trump was also accused of rape by his ex-wife Ivana back in the 1980s. It’s no wonder Bette Midler annihilated Trump on X with the fury of a thousand wind machines. No self-respecting woman wants “protection” from such a man.
Some have even wickedly suggested that Melania is already dreaming of a one-way ticket to a Trump-free paradise, should he return to the White House. There could be another reason for Melania if she chooses to go full Real Housewives on Trump. After all, Trump is busy making goo-goo eyes at a journalist who has morphed into his ever-present shadow.
But if this modern-day Cleopatra has two brain cells to rub together, she might want to take a cue from Olivia Nuzzi’s misadventures with RFK Jr. Danger often masquerades behind flirty winks, especially considering Trump’s fondness for the scandal-marinated P. Diddy, whom he’s hailed as “a good friend of mine” and “a good guy.” In conclusion, to paraphrase the words of Winifred Sanderson, Trump’s claims of protecting women are all just a bunch of hocus pocus.