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Fast food stock photo Getty
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The 10 worst fast food chains, ranked

None are great, but many are really, really bad.

No one goes to a fast food restaurant for quality. No one expects a five star dining experience. Expectations are equal to the name; you want something now and you don’t want to wait a long time to get it. Even without these admittedly low expectations, some fast food chains are decidedly worse than others. So let’s take a look at the 10 worst.

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How do we define something as the worst? The easiest way to do it is quality, price and variety. It can be tough though, because fast food is like popular music, not everyone is going to like it. But if it’s down the middle enough, a whole lot of people will. This is called the U2 principle, named after the notorious “band for everyone” from Dublin. Does anyone really love them? Sure, they’re liked. But loved?

Can we really put McDonald’s in the ten worst? Wendy’s? Domino’s? These are fast food staples! Legends. Then again, sometimes legends are legends for the wrong reasons. Let’s start the countdown.

10. Little Caesars

We all know the sweet “Hot and Ready” deal at Little Caesars. It used to be $5 but obviously nothing is affordable in this hell hole of existence so it’s more expensive now, but no one goes to LC because it tastes good. It’s just a good way to get a lot of volume without going bankrupt.

9. Jack in the Box

Jack in the Box has had its fair share of controversies over the years. In 1993, an E. coli outbreak sickened hundreds and killed four kids. Then came a child labor issue a few years back. Which would be fine but the food is so exceptionally mediocre that why would anyone bother anyway.

8. Taco Bell

Can something be bad and good at the same time? Taco Bell has been around a long time and it’s another one of those restaurants that if you know what you want and are getting it can be okay, but if you’re looking for “good” food go somewhere else.

7. Dairy Queen

We never understood just why Dairy Queen serves anything besides ice cream and milkshakes. It CRUSHES at those! A Blizzard? Those things changed the course of popular culture. But who goes to Dairy Queen for a burger and fries? Hopefully no one.

6. Subway

Subway has bread that kind of tastes like plastic, which is coincidentally something the franchise has dealt with during the yoga mat chemical fiasco of 2014. Oh, and then there was the whole Jared controversy, where the chain’s spokesperson turned out to be a terrible human being and is now in jail for a long, long time.

5. White Castle

Think of White Castle as a cheap colonoscopy, because it will clear you out. You have to know what you’re getting yourself into when it comes to White Castle. Like Taco Bell, it’s never one of those planned decisions; you just find yourself there one day. It’s cheap and filling and boy do you pay for it twice.

4. Shake Shack

Here’s the thing. Shake Shack is “fine.” The burgers have a nice little char on them although they are pretty small. What’s so egregious about Shake Shack is the prices. For the amount of food you get vs. what you pay there’s no part of it that feels like a fair transaction. Also, why are the lines always so long?

3. Long John Silver’s

It’s hard to find good things to say about Long John Silver’s. It’s greasy and dry and feel like the seafood came from a frozen lake 20 years ago. It’s maybe the world’s least fresh seafood place.

2. Panera Bread

The thing about Panera Bread is it’s overpriced picnic food that you could make with stuff out of your fridge, and not pay $20 for a tiny sandwich and a thimble of mediocre soup. There’s absolutely nothing special on that menu that makes up for how much everything costs at Panera. It’s basically robbery.

1. Panda Express

Panda Express can best be described as a facsimile of what Chinese food is supposed to be. It’s really not good. Does it need to be? That’s the tough question when it comes to fast food. Sure, it’s not great but in the right circumstances, it doesn’t matter.


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Author
Image of Jon Silman
Jon Silman
Jon Silman is a stand-up comic and hard-nosed newspaper reporter (wait, that was the old me). Now he mostly writes about Brie Larson and how the MCU is nose diving faster than that 'Black Adam' movie did. He has a Zelda tattoo (well, Link) and an insatiable love of the show 'Below Deck.'