Asked how she sleeps after an abortion at 8 months, a mom recalls the moment her daughter’s neurologist winced at her question

Kate Carson became a relationship coach who runs Night Bloom Coaching after a major loss in her life. However, she claims she gets a lot of judgment and questions about her choices. So, she recently shared a video on Instagram and TikTok to share the harsh medical details that led her to choose a third-trimester abortion. The video racked up over 1.2 million views. 

In her post, Carson set up her reasons in the caption, writing, “Sleep deprivation is literal torture.” She told her viewers, “I am a patient who needed an abortion when I was eight months pregnant.” Carson stated, “Today I am answering my favorite critical question of the week. The question is, how do you sleep at night?” According to her, the decision was made during a conversation with a neonatal neurologist following a diagnosis of brain anomalies. 

Carson claimed, “The moment I knew that I would seek that abortion with everything I had available to me was the moment after the doctor had told me all of the things my daughter wouldn’t be able to do, and I was grasping for something she would be able to do, and I said, ‘Okay, if she can’t do all these things, will she just sleep all the time?’” She said the doctor told her the baby would never walk, talk, support the weight of her own head, focus her eyes, or even coordinate swallowing.

The neurologist’s response was devastating to Carson

Carson recalled, “And it was the moment my neonatal neurologist winced, like, ugh. And he said, ‘Babies like your baby are not often comfortable enough to sleep.’” This realization about the potential for constant pain and anguish shifted her perspective entirely. She told her viewers, “I sleep great now, and it’s probably because I don’t have a baby who is in so much pain and anguish that she is incapable of ever sleeping. So hope that helps.”

Carson also addressed other parents who have experienced similar losses, noting that grief doesn’t stop at night. “I didn’t sleep like a baby again from day one. Grief is intense, and it keeps happening even when you’re asleep,” she said. “Grief is a healthy process, and it operates all day and all night, whether or not we want it to.” Other parents have shared their losses publicly as well, including YouTuber RiceGum and his partner, who posted a video saying goodbye to their baby girl.

What Carson claims to have gone through is a Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR). While her story can’t be verified, it reflects the struggles of a real medical situation. According to the support network Tommy’s, TFMR is a highly personal decision made when a baby is diagnosed with a condition that may cause death or serious disability, or when a pregnancy complication puts the mother at risk. 

Tommy notes that there is no right or wrong way to feel, and that some people prefer the term “baby loss for medical reasons.” Tommy’s noted that some parents are “devastated at the loss of the healthy baby they had hoped for.”

In the comments, some criticized her decision, while many others responded with sympathy and shared their own stories. One user wrote, “I’m a NICU nurse. Abortion can be the compassionate choice. There are fates worse than death.” Grieving parents often face painful reactions from people around them, as one mom did when her sister-in-law gave her a doll made to look like her late son.

Another added, “It is with everything in my soul when I say that WOMEN DO NOT WANT 3RD TRIMESTER ABORTIONS JUST BECAUSE. Those babies have names, a bed, clothes, people other than the parents WAITING to meet that baby.” 

One user shared, “I terminated at 22 weeks for brain anomalies as well. it’s been almost five years and I still have nightmares sometimes. I still obsessively Google her disorder, look at photos of NICU babies, etc. it’s easier now but it’s always there. I know 100% I made the right choice for her.”

Carson concluded her message with a message for other grieving parents. She said, “Since then, sleep has been a gift of the choice that I made. So if you are grieving and you are misunderstood in the way I’ve been misunderstood here, just know that sleep is there for you. And in the meantime. In the meantime, this processing is healing you. I’m sorry for how much it hurts.”