Attention: You can now tell your least-favorite politician to kick rocks and support a small business all at once

A quick disclaimer: I’m not trying to imply that before now it was impossibe to tell your least-favorite politician to kick rocks while also supporting a small business — in fact, the advent of email and online shopping has made such a goal feasible to an unprecedented degree.

But thanks to Dave’s Sweet Tooth Toffee — coming at us on TikTok via @davessweettooth — you can knock out those two birds with one proverbial stone and several real stones. But don’t take my word for it, and for legal purposes, don’t take Dave’s word for it, either.

As, for legal purposes, you cannot see, Dave’s Sweet Tooth Toffee recently banned a senator from purchasing any products, instead substituting his order with a box of assorted rocks that were none too subtly intended to be read as the kicking type. Uncalled for? Perhaps, until you realize that that senator is one Tom Cotton, who The Washington Post once referred to as “one of Trumpism’s leading voices,” and who Dave has identified as an opponent of the small business ecosystem. Dave’s Sweet Tooth Toffee, of course, is one such member of that ecosystem.

Anyway, this resulted in Dave’s then-most recent video to get flagged as “fraud” by the TikTok overlords — a decision most likely driven by the observation that rocks are not toffee. Dave’s solution? To begin selling boxes of rocks on the TikTok page to circumvent any accusations of fraud, official labels and all. Dave, for legal purposes, does not recommend googling the offices of America’s less-savory politicians for rock-mailing purposes.

The features of this product don’t end with politicians, though. These rocks are compatible with douchebaggery of any persuasion, including but not limited to cheating exes, racist neighbors, or the last person you played Monopoly with.

Importantly, the video above is, for legal purposes, not intended to directly promote the “Kick Rocks” product recently launched by Dave’s Sweet Tooth Toffee. No, it exists entirely to promote the shop’s award-winning toffee, which the video’s link will lead you to.

Speaking of which, Dave has quite the eclectic selection of toffee here. A quick peek onto the official shop page reveals such flavors as Maple Bourbon Pecan, Coconut Pretzel, Dark Chocolate Strawberry, Apple Cinnamon Whisky, Raspberry Donut, Eggnog with Bourbon, and — the most revelatory of them all — Coffee. In a pinch, all of these toffee flavors can also probably be kicked instead of rocks, which would add a brand new layer to the oft-adopted goal of “kicking sugar,” which is its own reward.

In conclusion, the best way to avoid the consequences of fraud is to retroactively stock the item responsible for those claims. This, of course, is second only to having your last name be “Trump,” being rich, and being bluntly deplorable yet incisive enough to manipulate the fears and insecurities of middle class Americans to not only paint yourself as the solution to their fears, but to make those people believe that you are, too. I wonder what the White House’s rock-kicking policies entail?