Warning: This article contains mentions of intimate partner violence. Please proceed with caution.
Some men think, judging from the chatter online, that women picking the bear in the bear vs. man hypothetical scenario reflect their hatred for men, so they find offense in the notion that they would not be chosen over a bear. However, this perspective is missing the crux of the problem.
To the men who allege women have no reason to be this cautious and fearful, I’d suggest looking at some statistics. If that’s too much work, here are a few examples: According to RAINN “1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.” The World Health Organization estimates that “globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.” The United Nations website states that “86% of women and girls live in countries without legal protections against gender-based violence.”
Even in countries with legal protections for women in place, these are too often safety nets full of holes that sadly allow some cases to slip through. For instance, a young woman named Brittany, sharing her own story of intimate partner violence on TikTok, recounted how police did nothing to protect her from her aggressor. We live in a world where women are often disbelieved and discredited for their stories, but by listening to Brittany tell hers, any reasonable person would understand that she is not lying about her traumatic experience.
You never truly know what you’d do until it happens to you
Brittany’s story ought to be a cautionary tale for all women. Men can also be the target of domestic and intimate partner violence, no one can claim otherwise, however, women are more at risk of being victimized. The importance of sharing her story with others online also stems from something Brittany herself said: “You don’t think it’s gonna happen until it happens to you.”
“As someone from Lumberton and know these brothers I’m so sorry…” wrote one netizen. And they were not the only ones who recognized Brittany’s aggressor.
Another commenter corroborated Brittany’s story by writing how her ex started selling the stuff she left behind in her rush to get away: “I remember him posting all your stuff for sale a few weeks ago on Facebook. I just knew in my heart something terrible had happened. I instantly said a prayer for you & anyone else involved!”
It’s both saddening and exasperating how the police dropped the ball multiple times after being made aware of Brittany’s situation. They failed to protect her from someone who had already proven himself unstable enough for her to fear for her life and well-being. It’s due to this kind of incompetence and unwillingness to give women’s words credit without irrefutable, tangible evidence that leads to many not being able to flee in time.
Her detailed tale spans five TikToks, with a few subsequent videos addressing how she has been coping and what she has been up to in the aftermath of prying herself away from her ex’s controlling claws.
The Internet being the Internet, Brittany had to reiterate why she posted her five-part-story in the first place:
As echoed by many of the comments, Brittany will hopefully be able to press charges and carry them through. This kind of interpersonal violence against women goes unpunished or is only met with slaps on the wrist far too often.
As women, we often can’t know what strangers are safe to trust until it is too late, whereas the bear will always be a bear. The men who are not the least trustworthy wear many faces, and women, unfortunately, do not have a crystal ball to tell the gentleman from the predator apart from the get-go. There will never be a comprehensive change without men joining forces with women to make it so they need not be this reasonably terrified when happening upon a random stranger on a deserted road or be wary of a man in a relationship that should rely on trust and respect.
