‘Just trying to wash my paws, dad’: Insanely smart dog tries to cause mischief in the kitchen, but he gets caught red-pawed

Dogs know exactly how to act to get what they want from us but have no clue what we have to offer them. One moment, they’ll sit outside and wait for us to coax them back in with some bacon, and then the next, they’re pitifully squatting next to us in the kitchen, completely unaware that they’re begging for boiling water.

Canine kitchen psychology is unmappable, so when TikTok‘s @gsp.world.16 caught his pooch poking around the kitchen sink, he wasn’t taking any chances.

In the video, we first see the pup noodling about with the faucet, seemingly trying to figure out how to turn it on, perhaps in hopes of washing his paws or flooding the house. Moments later, we hear a stern voice commanding “Do not turn the f*****g tap on,” as though that’s a command that dogs are known to readily comprehend.

Upon hearing his owner’s voice, the dog freezes, glances over his shoulder, but doesn’t take his paw off the tap. If you look closely, you can almost see the equations running through his head as he calculates the risk-reward ratio for turning the tap on. Eventually, another command in the form of “Get down” (much more appropriate for dog-specific communication) causes the pup to relent. His owner thanks him for obeying, and the video ends.

The question remains, though: what was the goal? Some commenters believed that this dog was just trying to earn his keep by scrubbing a few dishes, while others were more convinced by the flood theory, if the owner knows his dog is a flood risk, then he won’t ever leave him home alone again.

The latter theory may have some truth to it. According to Animal Humane Society, dogs are social animals and therefore don’t do particularly well when they’re left by themselves for long periods of time. Being left alone for too long can have more long-term effects on their behavior, such as depression, disinterest, and destructive tendencies (up to and including flooding the house, apparently).

So even when they gouge our bacon supply or get pouty when we don’t give them boiling water, it’s always worth remembering that those are the signs of a happy dog who loves you and your company very much. Indeed, what better way to measure love than by one’s willingness—even glee—towards putting up with another’s bulls***?