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Rolex advice
Photo by Laura Cavanaugh/FilmMagic/X

‘Lord, fix it!’: Florida ‘kindergartener’ advises men to buy a Rolex and go into debt, then flaunts fiance he bagged with his ‘formula’

I'm getting some serious "wolf of Walmart" vibes here.

What’s the worst financial advice you can give to someone in their 20s? If you answered, “Buy a Rolex and go into debt,” congratulations, you might just qualify to be Florida’s next financial “guru.”

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Social media platforms have become fertile grounds for self-anointed financial prophets and lifestyle gurus who promise the moon if only you’ll buy into their over-leveraged world views. In a digital age where followers might equate to credibility, it’s alarming yet unsurprising that figures like @stevenpultefam flourish — his bio alone might make Warren Buffett weep for the future of capitalism. He’s the self-proclaimed next big thing in real estate, ready to build the next Berkshire Hathaway with a strategy centered around, wait for it… accruing debt.

What exactly is this Florida man preaching? According to his thread on X, he’s urging young men in their early 20s to invest in a Rolex watch.

His rationale? “Having a nice watch communicates status to women and business relationships.”  More than a time-telling device, in his eyes, a Rolex is an investment in one’s future, magically poised to appreciate in value while simultaneously boosting your dating profile.

He even goes so far as to claim that a Rolex is a better investment than “buying a goofy Gucci t-shirt on a credit card.”

And, oh, the romantic tale he spins! According to him, his Rolex GMT Master II didn’t just tell time, it told his future wife “this guy’s a keeper.”

Our sage doesn’t stop at just one piece of extravagant advice. He doubles down:

…because if one Rolex doesn’t do the trick, surely a second mortgage on your wrist will seal the deal. At this point, it’s hard to tell if he’s being serious or if this is some sort of satirical performance art. Either way, it’s a prime example of the kind of financial “advice” that should be avoided like the plague. News flash, @stevenpultefam: Most well-adjusted individuals seek partners who bring more to the table than an overpriced accessory and a mountain of debt.

And speaking of debt, can we talk about how reckless it is to encourage young people to dive into financial quicksand for the sake of impressing others? The average college graduate is already saddled with a soul-crushing $29,900 in student loan debt. The responses to @stevenpultefam’s thread are a mixed bag of disbelief, mockery, and genuine concern.

One sarcastic soul quips:

Another astute observer laments:

The notion that someone would agree to marry a person based solely on their choice of wristwear is not only preposterous but also deeply insulting to everyone involved. It reduces relationships to a shallow transaction, where love can be bought with a hunk of metal and some gears. Let’s not all rush out to max our credit cards on Rolexes just yet. In the real world, success is built on sustainable choices, not just on how shiny your accessories are.

But hey, if you’re taking financial advice from a Florida man on the internet who thinks going into debt for a watch is a solid life choice, then maybe you’re not too far off from the target audience for Donald Trump’s latest venture. You can’t put a price tag on common sense. And if you can, it’s probably not $100K, and it’s definitely not a watch endorsed by Trump.


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Author
Image of Omar Faruque
Omar Faruque
Omar is a seasoned writer specializing in all things entertainment. His approach to life and writing is the same: find the story in everything, and make sure to enjoy the ride. When not behind his keyboard, Omar is living his best life, whether that's channeling his inner superhero, trying to replicate anime recipes in his kitchen, or settling into his favorite coffee shop corner with a good book.