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J.wolfy on TikTok
Image via @J.wolfy/TikTok

‘Not the emotional support turd’: Toddler sends his mom spiraling when she smells the stray poop he hid somewhere in the house

BRB going to wash out my eyeballs after seeing that.

Raising toddlers is hard – I don’t know that from experience, but it just looks like a tough gig. They’re always doing the weirdest, wildest stuff, the kind of stuff that makes you question your own sanity but also might make you feel a little bit sick too.

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One mother found this out the hard way and she shared her gross, but kind of hilarious story to TikTok. Allow me to set the scene: Jordan Wolf, a mother who runs a TikTok account dedicated to her journey as a parent, starts her video by claiming that she could smell poo somewhere in her house. Evidently her toddler, Gio (who is asleep on the floor), had pooped somewhere, but his diaper was empty. Strangely, no matter how hard she looked, she simply wasn’t able to find the source of the smell. Perhaps it was a phantom poo, or maybe Donald Trump was lurking in her house – what a terrifying thought.

Unfortunately for Jordan, the poo was all too real, and after a long time of fruitless searching the offensive smell is at long last located and let me tell you, it’s in the last place anyone would think to look – in the hands of her sleeping toddler.

Good lord that’s unsanitary

This minute-long TikTok could be an award winning horror short; it sets up a compelling mystery, builds up suspense with the empty diaper, then follows up with a disturbing twist that even M. Night Shyamalan could not have seen coming.

@j.wolfy

I don’t know if I’m laughing or crying 😭 #sendhelp #momsoftiktok #toddlersoftiktok

♬ original sound – Jordan Wolf

The scream I scrumpt when I saw that poo, Gio’s gripping it with both hands like some kind of turd broadsword — he’s taking that poo into his dreams with him, good luck prying it away now. Maybe he was just trying to carry it to the toilet and passed out on the way?

But like, is this normal behavior for a toddler? To care for a poop so dearly as if it were your own child? I guess it’s not out of the question for a toddler to do something this weird, but it could become a problem if he’s still doing it when he’s 30.

Either way, viewers were completely grossed out by the sight; the infamous “girl with the list” even responded – if you don’t know who the girl with the list is, she’s been making a video series on TikTok compiling all the reasons never to have kids for a while now. In her words, searching for a missing poop is like “the world’s most demented Easter egg hunt except the prize at the end isn’t candy.”

One individual observed the solidness of the poo, pointing out that “it’s holding form under the pressure of his hands and his head laying on his hands that’s impressive.” Yeah. Impressive is one word to describe what we’re seeing, I guess. 

Another viewer asked “why would you do this to his digital footprint?” I mean, they have a point; Gio can’t even string together a proper sentence yet, and he’s already been immortalized as the poop toddler.

In case you wanted more details, don’t worry, there’s part two where Jordan explains how she got the poop out of his hands and the aftermath that ensued.

It’s almost sad when you think about it. Obviously Gio was very attached to his poop, and it brought him comfort. Most children would prefer a stuffed teddy bear, but I guess he’s just built different. Maybe Jordan could get him a stuff toy of Mr. Hankey from South Park, instead?


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Author
Image of Jordan Collins
Jordan Collins
Jordan is a freelance writer who has been featured in a number of publications. He has a Masters in Creative Writing and loves telling that to anyone who will listen. Aside from that he often spends time getting lost in films, books and games. He particularly enjoys fantasy from The Legend of Zelda to The Lord of the Rings.