“Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?” That question has been one of the biggest viral trends of 2024, so it’s only fitting that we get conclusive evidence of the correct answer before the year is out. Although women (and men) around the globe have weighed in before now, it’s taken until December for this hypothetical conundrum to be tested in reality. Release the bear!
Yes, TikTok user @jaz.montalvo has shared video evidence of a truly wild scenario: the moment an honest-to-goodness bear broke into her kitchen. Thankfully, things didn’t turn out as grizzly as they could’ve done. In a stroke of luck, Jazmin’s uninvited house guest proved to be the opposite of Cocaine Bear (no, not Marijuana Bear) as he conducted himself in a surprisingly chill manner. To quote another of 2024’s biggest trends, you might even say he was very demure.
“Imagine walking down the stairs drunk and theres a mf BEAR in the house,” Jazmin wrote in the video’s description. Honestly, we may all be drunk, as the video’s contents are so hard to believe. With human-like agility and demeanor, the bear helps himself to a casual look around the fridge and the rest of the kitchen area before grabbing a plate of leftovers and then fleeing out the open door.
The people of TikTok are understandably gobsmacked — not just that there was a bear in Jazmin’s kitchen, but also how it ably demonstrated that a bear breaking into your home is infinitely preferable to a man breaking into your home. “This just solved the man vs bear argument,” one correctly stated, as another wrote: “The fact this isn’t near as scary as a random man in your house.” The bear even wins in the cleanliness contest: “I appreciate the fact he didn’t even make a mess, so many things a bear can teach men.”
Others are agog at how at home Fridge Bear seems to be. “I don’t understand how a bear can get in your house. Do u give them a key in case u get locked out?” one comment quizzed. “No bc how’d he know how to open the fridge? This is not his first B&E. This bear is a professional,” another deduced. “Why does it seem like he regular visits this Airbnb??” someone else asked, resulting in this groan-worthy response: “He actually runs it, he’s just an overbearing landlord.”
Alright, so a bear is a less irritating home invader than a man, but even so, how do you avoid a bear rooting through your fridge for food like a cross between Yogi Bear and Homer Simpson? The key is to not give the bear a reason to investigate your home in the first place. If you’re living or staying in an area populated by bears, then you will want to use special trash receptacles so they can’t find the food in your garbage. A USDA study found that areas that made use of bear-resistant trash containers had 60% fewer bear sightings/attacks than those that didn’t bother.
Who would you rather be alone with in the woods, a man or a bear? Who cares, apparently the better question is: who would you rather find in your home while alone and drunk?
Published: Dec 14, 2024 01:18 pm