‘Will warn my future children of this near death experience’: Runner ‘almost killed’ by a surprise swan invasion during waterside jog

Every now and again, a situation comes along that simply demands to be swiped left on, as the kids would say. A centipede infestation? Oh, no thank you. A very dark, very industrial basement that emits random, ostensibly organic noises? Nope. Your best friend invites you to a themed destination wedding? What did I do to deserve this?

But folks, all of that pales in comparison to what TikTok‘s @tara.lawson97 came across during her morning run. This is the type of encounter that warrants enough state-paid emotional compensation to move you up a handful of tax brackets. And you know what? That still wouldn’t be enough.

Indeed, the opening moments of this 30-second video are all most of us need to shield our eyes, not from the carnage (which, by some act of God, never occurs), but the possibility of carnage that this community of swans represents. Collectively, these groupings go by the name of “flock” or “bevy,” but “herd” and “wedge” aren’t uncommon either. Also among the semantics is “lamentation,” which is frankly the most appropriate term by quite some distance (“A lamentation of swans promised the runner’s doom”).

Rest assured, dear reader; Tara knows her place here. Her nervous, unevenly paced steps fit perfectly with her verbal apologies to the swans and pleas to not harm her. She’s tolerated for roughly half of this sidequest, but upon spotting the uptick in swan and swan-adjacent entities near the end of the path, Tara thinks better of taking her chances with Mother Nature’s pearly charge commanders.

Salvation eventually came by way of an unnamed “swan whisperer,” who held the necessary space for Tara to continue her run without getting targeted by the swans. I can’t say I trust that guy, though. Any man capable of quelling the ego of a giant lamentation of swans didn’t just get that aura for free. What trials, what atrocities must he have conquered and committed so that even the swans pay him respect?

The comments section was a swirl of mixed sentiment. Plenty echoed Tara’s fears of geese and swans, but a select few claimed to harbor no such anxiety, so expect a funeral arrangement or two to be made by the time swan season kicks in around their locations. A few others made reference to Jess Mariano, a core character from Gilmore Girls played by Milo Ventimiglia that was given a black eye on account of a swan encounter in season 3, episode 14.

But what circumstances create such formidable titans? Are swans as unpredictably aggressive as Tara seems to have regarded them, or is their violence the more calculated sort? According to Birdfact.com, a swan will typically man the battlements in response to perceived threats to their babies (also known as cygnets), nests, and mates. Male swans will showboat with honks and wing flaps to try and scare unwelcome guests away, but if they don’t get the message, they can expect a faceful of pecks, bites, and slaps. Who ever said chivalry was dead?