Woman says her husband secretly read her private messages about leaving him, and he has been acting differently ever since

A woman says her husband secretly read private messages she sent to her best friend about possibly ending their marriage, and that his behavior has shifted noticeably since then, according to a post on Reddit. The account was shared by a user going by u/Kindly_Assumption_24, and it has drawn a range of reactions from other users.

According to her post, the woman, who said she is 36, and her husband, who she said is 41, have been together for 18 years. She wrote that the couple has two children, a seven-year-old son and a one-year-old daughter, and that their son has ADHD combined type. She said her son had recently begun having violent outbursts at home.

She added that she had tried to get her husband to use parenting strategies she had researched, but that he had repeatedly brushed her off and preferred to parent with control and authority. After what she described as an incident in which her husband lost control of his reactions, she said she reached out to her best friend the next day and spoke candidly about wanting a divorce.

Old phone left connected to home WiFi reportedly let husband see private messages

The woman said she had bought a new phone a few weeks earlier but had kept her old, broken phone at home. She said she did not realize the old device was still connected to their WiFi and still had some battery left, despite having been smashed and no longer holding a charge well, which she said was the reason she had replaced it. 

She said that while she was at work, her husband came across the old phone and read the messages she had exchanged with her best friend. According to her account, when she returned home that evening, he was sullen and apologetic, and told her right away that he had read the messages and seen his own mistakes.

She said her husband told her he was looking into therapy, had found a podcast, and would do “anything” she wanted. She wrote that he also said he could not imagine his family being torn apart, or sitting in an apartment all week waiting to see his children while hoping she might eventually take him back. 

She also said she felt blindsided and was barely able to respond at the time. Although it’s not the only story of a spouse uncovering hidden messages to spark heated debate online.

The woman said that since that conversation, her husband has been offering her back rubs and paying closer attention to her physical and emotional needs. She also said he changed his approach to parenting their son, including taking the children outside to play for a couple of hours after school and speaking calmly when their son became upset during a transition.

According to her post, her husband has continued sending her messages about being afraid of losing their family and feeling alone. She said the couple is scheduled to complete a parenting program for children with ADHD through a pediatric hospital next month, and that she is waiting to see whether her husband remains open and receptive going forward. In her post, she asked other Reddit users how long this kind of “changed man” behavior typically lasts.

One user questioned why the woman had not raised her concerns directly with her husband before discussing divorce with her best friend, and suggested that a marriage should be treated as a partnership in which both people address problems together rather than separately. Spouses talking past each other, rather than to each other, has fueled other viral disputes over marriage boundaries as well. 

Another commenter described the husband’s behavior as “love bombing” and said it “almost certainly is temporary.” That user suggested that if the woman wanted to stay married, this would be a good time to set expectations, reestablish boundaries, and begin therapy, adding that if she chose not to stay, the issues would already be out in the open.

A different commenter wrote, “It won’t last. don’t believe what he tells you about how custody would be, either. go get an attorney and continue to separation and divorce.” Another user recommended couples therapy, writing, “You need couples therapy. Period. Do that while you help your son so you can help your marriage and yourselves as well.”