6) Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots – Snake’s Retirement
Metal Gear Solid is the most ponderous, convoluted series that gaming has ever endured. A franchise where every cutscene lasts 30 years, and every actor is so inexplicably overwrought in every scene that playing through to the end feels like it qualifies you to make made-for-TV movies for Lifetime.
Metal Gear Solid 4 was the very limit. When you were actually in control of the game, it was a blast, slithering about in silence, taking out shady military superpowers, but then yet another cutscene would kick in and you instantly knew you might as well save your batteries by taking them out of your controller while yet another cheesy, prolonged dialogue takes place.
In this case, the offending scene is performed by the ever-terrible Otacon, whining on about Snake’s “retirement.” Earlier on, it was alluded to that Snake had been shot and killed (which would have been truly remarkable), but obviously that was never going to actually occur, and instead it transpires that he just needs to take a bit of a holiday to get better again. This, for some reason, was put across to us as tearjearking stuff, where instead, it was actually more like stomach-jerking.
