Although a Pinocchio-based film seems like the perfect gift that Tim Burton might bestow upon his go-to quirkmeister Johnny Depp (“Can I play Pinocchio, Tim? Can I?”), he’s apparently moving away from his boyfriend for a chance to give somebody else a go in a half-assed CGI world: Robert Downey Jr.. Well, not that Downey Jr. would play Pinocchio, of course, because that would make for some seriously uncomfortable viewing: he’s in line to star as Geppetto, Pinocchio’s father.
This Burton project has been rumored for a while, but it’s just been reported that Jane Goldman (Kick Ass) has signed on to write the thing. Here’s how the story has been described:
Downey would play Geppetto, the woodcarver who creates the puppet who dreams of becoming a real boy and whose nose grows when he tells a lie. When Pinocchio goes missing, Geppetto embarks on a quest to reunite with his marionette.
Pinocchio, then. So, yes, this is bound to consist of the same old computer generated shots and obscure performances that we’ve come to know from Burton, whose last film Frankenweenie actually got some of his best reviews in years. Let’s hope Jane Goldman can put a script together that will somehow channel Downey Jr.’s incessant mumbling. And then, um, maybe somebody should cast Kevin Costner as Pinocchio… then the acting really would be wooden. Wooden. Get it? Bah, you don’t know comedy.