So here we are once again, preparing for doomsday with some more open topic chatter. This week Remy and I wanted to discuss building that perfect dream team of zombie killers/survivalists, like your version of the zombie stompin’ Harlem Globetrotters. Your group will have to be built on trust, need, experience, skills, and most importantly – balance.
Sure, it’d be great to have a bunch of muscle-bound juice heads surrounding you at all times like a great wall of punishment, but then you’ll lack intelligence and basic survival skills. In the same respect, you can’t shack up with a bunch of scientist dweebs, losing protection and group members with a combat mentality. Like the perfect recipe, you’ll need just the right amount of everything – otherwise you’ll watch what could have been success spoil with one miscalculated variable.
But for the sake of debate and keeping a smidgen of realism, we agreed we’d draft our teams from fictional entertainment characters that are still human, so no bullshit picks like Alice from Resident Evil or any superhero that would obviously be indestructible.
First off, Remy and I are going to run through our rational in picking, and give a general “Why” explanation before getting to our actual picks.
I have probably spent WAY more time thinking about this than most “normal” people would. I have already done a list of who I would want with me out of real celebrities, so naturally, I have also thought of the fictitious characters I would want with me during the zombie apocalypse too. But the directions I choose to go might just surprise you. It’s all “breeders and feeders,” people. Oh wait, you don’t know what that means, huh? Well, breeders and feeders means I would want women I could impregnate in an attempt to repopulate the world, and I would want assholes I could sacrifice to the zombies to keep them sated and on my side. I think we could reach an understanding with the zombies that way.
Let me explain my selection process and thinking here.
I have to assume, in this scenario, that I have found myself trapped inside some building (or prison, perhaps?), and I think we can come to some sort of understanding with the zombies. If we provide them fresh meat, and they SEE that we are the ones doing it, don’t you think they will realize (like animals would) that we are the hand that feeds and to leave us be? I do. So the people I have with me (all fictitious) serve a specific purpose.
I, unlike my counterpart Remy, in no way believe zombies can be “reasoned” with. These are reanimated corpses with the sole purpose of feeding on the remaining living. To them, us sacrificing someone for the greater good won’t even register, gladly taking the meal at hand, but focusing back on devouring what survivors remain directly after. Zombies are evil and dead, and must be dealt with as such. Plus, what happens when you run out of people to sacrifice? I doubt your “breeders” can pump out enough little bite sized zombie treats before you’re shit out of luck, so I’ll take my chances with a real zombie hit-squad type group, focusing on surviving instead of sustaining.
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