Freddy Vs. Jason could have started something awesome, sparking an onslaught of horror team-up movies pitting the best and baddest villains against one another, but for some reason the fad never caught on. Maybe because Freddy Vs. Jason wasn’t exactly a great movie, maybe because horror fans weren’t digging the gimmick enough, or maybe because all the rights purchasing just got too sticky – but either way, our horror villains have been left to their own worlds and devices. Remy and I believe it’s time to change that though, because what’s better than one iconic horror villain? No, not a cake. Seriously? No, the only thing better than one horror villain, is TWO horror villains for the price of one!
But the problem is, how do we do it? How does Freddy end up fighting the Graboids from Tremors? Or how does a zombie apocalypse happen to break out in Antarctica the same time another “Thing” monster gets loose? Yeah, farfetched, I know, but I think that’s the biggest thing holding these epic clashes back – providing a coherent story that could rationalize such monstrous talents interacting with one another. Have no fear though, because that’s what Remy and I are here for! I mean seriously, when you watch so many horror movies, these ideas are just inevitable. We want more, and more, and more – and the only way to do that after a point is to imagine our own insane crossovers.
With that said, read on to find out which horror juggernauts Remy and I think would make the best “Vs.” films, causing a throwdown of epic proportions. This should get interesting…Next
Remy – Leatherface Vs. Ash
Who wouldn’t want to see the two best chainsaws in horror go head to head? Perhaps we could find out Leatherface is a Deadite or something awesome and absurd like that, and it would be up to Ash to take him down, assuming no one else could. For any of you REAL fans of the Texas Chainsaw series (not you new schoolers), in Texas Chainsaw 2, remember that silly-yet-awesome chainsaw duel between Leatherface and Dennis Hopper? The Ash/Leatherface battle would take the batshit insanity of that scene and ratchet it up about fifteen notches.
If the director who was ever lucky enough to do this scene had any balls at all, this scene would be matched up with some sick metal music, just wailing away in the background as Ash chopped Leatherface into five pieces, sealing all five pieces in different bags, and then tossing them off bridges and shit as he rode on horseback at night, post battle.
Wow, I gave MYSELF chills. Chillsturbation.
Nato – Chucky Vs. Leprechaun
OK, before you’re all up in arms over this ridiculous pairing – HOW CAN THIS NOT BE AWESOME?! I know this article is about “Heavyweight Horror Throwdowns,” but don’t let these pint-sized killers fool you. Both Chucky and Leprechaun started out as ruthless death machines, one hell-bent on possessing the body of a boy, the other searching for gold – but both left a wake of destruction in their path.
But then things took a turn for the silly in both franchises. Chucky got married, had a kid, and turned into this jokester of a murderous child’s toy, abandoning the horror of his situation (unless Curse Of Chucky returns to that dark atmosphere that many are promising it does). Meanwhile, our Leprechaun turned into quite the universal wanderer, traveling to space, then to the hood, and then back to the hood…again. Suffice it to say, it’s time for these two unlikely killers to get back to their horror roots, and what better way than to do it together?
But if these two baddies ever got together, I’d actually hope some of the comedy remained. The one-line zinger potential would be outrageous pairing these two, and I often joke how this would be the grandaddy of all horror villain face-offs, but there’s some serious potential here. The set up could be simple too! Maybe Chucky and Tiffany steal the Leprechaun’s gold without knowing, then have two unfortunate victims steal the gold from Chucky, causing them to not only be stalked by a killer doll who thinks the gold will help him in some way (I don’t know, we can flesh out the details later), but also the malicious Leprechaun who the gold belonged to in the first place.
Chucky: “Wanna play, little green man?”
Leprechaun: “Oh, I’ll play with ya’ alright Chuckster, right after ya’ go back ta’ yer little dolly house and fetch me precious gold from your pretty, pink piggy bank!”Previous Next
Remy – Cloverfield Vs. Gojira
No, not the band. You know, Godzilla? Yes, that thing, fighting that big ass, ugly bat-mutant from Cloverfield. I like old school monsters, and I like them big, and rather than pluck some easy ones from Pacific Rim, I figured I would go with a classic, and a neo-classic. Now keep in mind, I don’t think that the Cloverfield monster would do too well against anything, strictly because of how it is built and moves, and Godzilla is just a big, mutant monster, so I am sure Clovie would get his ass kicked, but still, if it was done right, with proper CG work, this fight could be epic. I am thinking it takes place in Los Angeles and the entirety of that city gets leveled as they just go SUPERMAN VERSUS DOOMSDAY on each other. Come on, you know you would see the shit out of that.
Just remember to take a Dramamine first.
Nato – The Strangers Vs. The You’re Next Animals
Alright, I know You’re Next hasn’t been released yet, but you can get a pretty damn good idea that these home invaders aren’t ones to be fucked with – and neither are “The Strangers.” Sure, I could have gone with other movies like The Purge and whatnot, but by going The Strangers vs. You’re Next, you’ve got a fair three vs. three fight, and they’re both wearing equally creepy masks! Talk about your cat and mouse game from hell…
Now the setup for this would have to be a lot like You’re Next in the sense that we’ve got to have a mansion big enough for “The Animals” to break in one end, and “The Strangers” to break in the other. Think about an unsuspecting family enojying a lavish getway in the middle of nowhere, only to encounter two psychopathic groups of invaders? How do you even react? Just imagine a character standing in the middle of a long hallway, looking down one end to see a man wearing a sheep’s mask with a crossbow, while on the other end is a man with a sack on his head and a blunt object. What do you do? You run, you hide, you stay out of sight, and you hope a battle royale sees only one evil survivor too weak to fight on – unless they team up.
Remy – Descent Cave Dwellers Vs. [REC] Demons
Ah, this one perks my nips just talking about it. I ADORED both of these movies, and consider them kings among the new school horror films, so to see the zombie-like demons from [REC] going after the pale, animalistic creatures from the Descent would be like a nightmare dream come true for me. The reality is, the Descent creatures would win, because they would have to be fighting in their setting, as they don’t leave that underground lair. They would be at an advantage because it is dark and they see with noise, and the demons from [REC] are not exactly quiet.
The one irony, and game changer, would be the way the demon possession works. In [REC] you catch it like a cold, so once the cave dwellers started picking off the demons, would they then become demons themselves, one by one, ultimately making it so the demons win?
Wow, one step up from chills, I just gave myself horror-wood.
Nato – Victor Crowley Vs (?)
Someone give this kid a shot at the damn title already! Sure, Hatchet III may not have been my favorite horror movie of all time, but it did prove one thing – Victor Crowley is an urban legend no one should take lightly. You’ve got your Jason Voorhees, Michael Meyers, Candyman – take you pick, Crowley can hang with the best of them. He’s a cursed monster who comes back to life every night no matter how destroyed his corpse is. I mean, if that doesn’t spell murder machine, what else do you need? The fact that he rips victims limb from limb like he’s on horror steroids? Victor has been eyeing that heavyweight title, and I think he’s finally earned his shot.
The setup here would be a hell of a lot harder, getting another horror icon onto Honey Island Swamp, but hell, they made Freddy and Jason meet – can’t they force a story out of any two characters? I don’t know, maybe Michael is being transported to a Louisiana psychiatric hospital when the driver crashes into Honey Island Swamp, and Victor is none too happy with his new friend? Or maybe a camp is mistakenly built at Honey Island Swamp by the people who built Camp Crystal Lake, Jason gets all nostalgic, decides to go chop up some campers, but finds Victor already in action? Hell, maybe some drunk teens go to find Victor’s house in the woods, summon Candyman there, and Victor starts competing with Candyman for kills? Who knows, but someone please do a joint horror film with Victor Crowley!
Alright, so which horror bad guys would you like to see go head to head in Freddy Vs. Jason style?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I talk about quality aquatic horror movies you should watch instead of that Sharknado bullshit!Previous