1. The Watch
Much as I despise That’s My Boy, no film in 2012 tested my patience quite as much as The Watch, a soulless alien invasion comedy that has literally nothing of interest or value to offer the audience, save an overwhelming amount of product placement. It has no well defined characters, quality performances, amusing humor, or actual story to speak of, but it does feature lots and lots of thinly veiled commercials for Costco, 3D TVs, expensive massage chairs, Budweiser beer, and other products I will boycott vigorously until my dying day for their appearance in this irredeemable act of cinematic treachery.
Every single solitary thing about The Watch is either bad, lazy, or both, and watching it is akin to seeing time stand still, staring helplessly into the void as the world around you slows. Even now, months after seeing the film, I so detest this wretched, callous act of unrepentant commercialism that when thoughts of things I love – like friends, or family, or pleasant midday strolls, or small adorable kittens – cross paths with memories of The Watch, those happy thoughts are deeply tainted, perhaps forever, stained with the aching remnants of darkness this so-called ‘comedy’ has wrought upon my now-fractured psyche.
Which is, of course, the long way of saying The Watch is the worst film of 2012.
And now that I have warned you of it one last time, excuse me while I go bang my ahead against the wall in hopes that my memories of the film will be permanently erased.
What movies did you hate most in 2012? What did you think of these ten films? Which movies would you have included on the list? Would you like to fling more mud at me for disliking Prometheus, even though it’s only an expression of my personal opinion and in no way impinges your enjoyment of the film? Commence the stoning!
