Is Joe Biden pulling a Kate Middleton with his mysterious vanishing act?

Joe Biden is still President, but after yesterday’s bombshell confirmation that he won’t be seeking re-election, he’s suddenly yesterday’s man. After a truly disastrous debate, constant vocal flubs, George Romero-esque body language and, the cherry on top, a COVID diagnosis, Joe was forced to face the reality that he could not realistically campaign for four more years as President.

Ordinarily, this announcement would have been made in a televised Presidential address to the nation, but we were notified instead by a letter posted on X. Since then we’ve seen nothing of Biden. So, where is he? Are we living in a presidential remake of Weekend at Bernies?

‘I demand proof of life’

Biden’s disappearance hasn’t gone unnoticed by Republicans. As you would expect, Lauren “Bobo” Boebert quickly jumped on this bandwagon by demanding proof of life by 5 pm. Or… what, Bobo? What are you going to do when your headline passes? Get more impotently furious?

Piers Morgan also expressed confusion, saying there should have been some footage of him since dropping out:

If only there was some kind of virus that mandates some kind of isolation…

Just as with Kate Middleton earlier this year, an information vacuum is a petri dish for conspiracy theories. Many wonder if Biden actually wrote the resignation letter, if he’s in a sound state of mind, or even that he’s died and for some reason, it’s being kept secret:

The boring reality

Sadly for conspiracy theorists, the most boring explanation is likely the correct one. Biden is an 81-year-old dealing with a case of COVID. As most of you will know, this virus is no walk in the park, so it’s almost certain he’s quietly resting in isolation and waiting for his health to improve. Once he’s a little better we’ll get that address to the nation in which he’ll hopefully go into more detail about his decision.

Also, Biden is almost certainly still alive (as of writing). After all, things would be going a lot more smoothly for the Democrats if Biden was dead, so if he rapidly became an ex-president they’d have no reason to cover it up.

All that said, we shouldn’t discount that Biden’s bout of COVID is more serious than official sources are letting on. He may be too incapacitated to appear on television, his withdrawal letter could have been written and drafted by an aide, and he less decided to withdraw his candidacy than was forced to by his failing body.

Let’s hope we get some answers soon.