‘His neighbors say no’: A formerly unknown JD Vance family member makes Donald Trump campaign debut and opens a can of worms no one knew existed

JD Vance, the Republican vice-presidential candidate, strutted onto the campaign trail in Milwaukee on Friday, parading his German Shepherd named Atlas, as the Hillbilly Elegy author prepares to grovel at the feet of the disgraced, lying ex-President.

Once “the never Trump guy,” Vance is now pathetically aping the conman-in-chief’s tactics by parading around a confused pooch. This nauseating display of canine exploitation is a blatant attempt to con voters into believing Vance is anything more than a soulless opportunist, just like his orange overlord who’s never met a grift he didn’t like. It’s a tactic that the Democratic vice-presidential pick, Tim Walz, has also utilized, with his charming lab mix Scout gracing the pages of fashion magazine Vogue. But while Walz and Scout radiated an authentic bond, a viral video circulating on X of Vance awkwardly handling Atlas has raised more than a few skeptical eyebrows.

In the clip, Vance is seen gingerly grasping Atlas’s “EZ Walk” harness with a measly three fingers, a rare technique that other dog handlers would scoff at when attempting to control a powerhouse breed like a German Shepherd. Eagle-eyed viewers also noticed that Vance was holding the leash in the middle, rather than the wrist section.

Vance was essentially inviting Atlas to take charge of the situation. If that curious pup had spotted a squirrel, a fellow dog, or any other tantalizing distraction, there’d be nothing stopping him from bolting at top speed, dragging a flailing Vance behind him like a human kite. A sudden jolt or tug on the leash can cause angry red welts, blisters, and maybe even draw blood if Atlas really hits his stride.

Any experienced dog owner can spot the signs of a neglectful or disengaged pet parent from a mile away. As if Vance’s leash-handling ineptitude wasn’t proof enough, that pooch doesn’t even spare a glance at his so-called owner, probably because he’s too busy fantasizing about making a break for it and finding a real family. Perhaps he’s even daydreaming of a daring escape to South Dakota, though given Midwest’s most infamous dog dispatcher Kristi Noem’s track record with pets, he might want to rethink that particular getaway.

Let’s be real, a dog is unlikely to solve Vance’s likability problem, which stems more from his tendency to make bizarre and repugnant nonsensical statements. Lest we forget, this is the same guy who brazenly claimed in a 2021 interview that the government is overrun by “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives” and has an unhealthy fixation on banning minors from getting gender-affirming care. The Vance-Atlas fiasco perfectly encapsulates the farcical Trump-Vance ticket: All bark and no bite.