It’s often argued that MAGA is less a set of political beliefs and more like a cult centered around worshipping Donald Trump. Well, throw another massive log on that fire, because his evangelical supporters have gathered to praise a colossal 22-foot-tall golden Trump statue.
The statue, situated at Trump’s golf course in Doral, Florida, was garlanded in white and blue ribbons as the Christians gathered around it to sing their praises, with member of “Pastors for Trump” Mark Burns claiming:
“This statue is a celebration of life. It is a symbol of resilience, freedom, patriotism, strength, and the will power to keep fighting for the future of America.”
NEW: MAGA evangelical leaders gather in Mar-a-Lago to bless and dedicate a gold statue dedicate to Donald Trump. pic.twitter.com/D3HcomQIu3
— Christopher Hale (@ChristopherHale) May 8, 2026
Burns has previously insisted that God himself sent Donald Trump to Earth to protect mankind and is actively protecting him from being killed by his enemies. I can only imagine that Jesus Christ is indignantly wondering why God didn’t bestow the same divine protection on him!
The statue is the work of a group of crypto investors who plan to use this to boost the visibility of a “Patriot” memecoin, hiring sculptor Alan Cottrill to realize their vision. The first plan was to cast Trump in bronze for $300,000, but he proposed coating it in gold leaf: “Immediately everybody jumped on board.”
Waitaminute, didn’t God say something about this kind of thing?
At this point, you might be wondering if it’s really that Christian to be worshipping a gigantic golden statue depicting a man who commits all of the seven deadly sins each day. After all, the Old Testament is fairly clear that God really isn’t cool with cults based around praising golden idols.
But don’t worry, Pastor Burns is on the case to underline that God is probably okay with this particular gigantic golden statue:
One of the greatest honors of my life was leading the dedication of President Donald J. Trump’s statue to the world.
— Pastor Mark Burns (@pastormarkburns) May 8, 2026
What amazes me is how quickly some people have compared this beautiful statue, created and made possible by more than 6,000 patriots, to a golden calf or idol… pic.twitter.com/p8myp46dD5
After all, God was only particularly furious with people worshipping giant golden statues of calves. This is not a calf, it’s a statue of Donald Trump – y’know, the atheist who’s repeatedly compared himself to Christ – I’m sure God is giving it a big thumbs up from heaven right now!
In other news, hurricane season begins in a few weeks. If a Category 5 rocks up and makes a beeline for this specific statue, we may have our answer!
Published: May 9, 2026 04:51 am