‘That’s so predatory’: San Diego woman meets a man on a walk and agrees to drinks. One text 30 minutes before the date shut it all down

A San Diego woman recently went viral on TikTok after she canceled a date just 15 minutes before it was supposed to happen. The decision came after a series of texts from her date made it clear he was not going to respect her boundaries. Her story struck a nerve with a lot of people online.

According to The Nerdstash, the whole thing started on a positive note. She was out walking her dog when she crossed paths with a man who was doing the same thing. Their dogs stopped to greet each other, which led to a conversation that lasted about 15 to 20 minutes. She described the man as charming, funny, and good-looking, and felt comfortable enough to give him her number before they went their separate ways.

He reached out two days later to suggest drinks. She agreed but made her position clear from the start – she does not drink and would prefer to stick to a mocktail. About 30 minutes before they were supposed to meet, he texted to say he would be 10 minutes late. She said that was fine, but his next message made her uncomfortable – he told her he was looking forward to seeing her and getting her drunk.

Ignoring a woman’s stated boundary before the first date is a serious warning sign

She tried to brush it off as a joke and reminded him again that she does not drink. He did not let it go. The two went back and forth on the issue two more times, with him insisting that he could convince her to drink. At that point, she decided to cancel. She told him they should not go out if he expected her to drink, and his final reply was, “Okay, bet!”

The reaction on social media was strongly in her favor. One person commented, “That’s so predatory,”  implying she did the right thing to call off the date. Many users pointed out that his focus on getting her drunk, rather than simply enjoying her company, was a deeply troubling sign. 

People praised her for trusting her instincts and for recognizing that his repeated refusal to accept her preference raised serious concerns around consent. San Diego has also been in the news recently for darker reasons, including a case exposing abuse of an 11-year-old child that involved multiple people in positions of trust.

Dating coach Erika Ettin, who has worked with thousands of clients, generally advises people not to cancel first dates unless they have a very good reason. She wrote on Business Insider that she believes that backing out is usually rude and unfair to the other person. However, she does acknowledge that there are exceptions where canceling is clearly the right call.

One situation where Ettin says canceling is acceptable is when someone starts oversharing or becomes sexual in their messages before you have even met. While light banter is normal, bringing up sexual topics or desires early on is a clear signal to step back.

Predatory behavior is not limited to the dating world – it shows up in many places, as seen in a recent child exploitation crackdown involving Disney employees that shocked the public. Another reason to cancel is if you realize your values do not line up, or if the person starts speaking badly about their ex, which Ettin says often means they are not ready to date.

In this case, the man’s repeated attempts to push past a clearly stated boundary around alcohol were the deciding factor for the San Diego woman. The response from people online makes it clear that most feel she made the right call, and her story serves as a straightforward reminder that you do not owe anyone your time when they show you who they are before the date has even started.